Just today we recieved a letter from my husbands employer stating that he failed to take part in some extended training (he is a teacher and this is continuing education points). They are deducting over $400 from his next pay check, a much needed amount.
His response: "I guess I screwed up. But if I wasn't distracted from all the crap going on this year I probably would have remembered to go"
All the crap going on this year was us fighting and coming to terms with his add and then our two week seperation, which we still are fighting it out (though we kid our selves and say we're working on things).
First of all, an apolgy does not contain the word "but".
Secondly, I refused to take part in the blame of him not doing this continueing ed. He's an adult, yes he has other things on his mind, but he's still an adult with a good job. He's got no one to blame but himself. While I tried to explain this to him, things got louder and more heated. He eventually said I was being mean and I should understand what he's been going through and it's understandable why he forgot and if i hadn't left him for a period he wouldn't have had to come home everyday to make sure that I was coming home. WHAT?
I walked away, I gather my thoughts and i told him. It's not that we lost the money, though that sucks big time. It's the fact that you can't take responsibility for your actions without trying to place blame on some other force. He said 'ok' and we have since not really spoken.
I will not feel guilty, or that I had any part in him not doing his job. This is a huge step for me, before today he would have really beat it into me that it was my fault, all things that go south are my fault. For me, that is no longer the case. And I feel good that today, I am strong enough to stand up for myself.