Just today we recieved a letter from my husbands employer stating that he failed to take part in some extended training (he is a teacher and this is continuing education points). They are deducting over $400 from his next pay check, a much needed amount.
His response: "I guess I screwed up. But if I wasn't distracted from all the crap going on this year I probably would have remembered to go"
All the crap going on this year was us fighting and coming to terms with his add and then our two week seperation, which we still are fighting it out (though we kid our selves and say we're working on things).
First of all, an apolgy does not contain the word "but".
Secondly, I refused to take part in the blame of him not doing this continueing ed. He's an adult, yes he has other things on his mind, but he's still an adult with a good job. He's got no one to blame but himself. While I tried to explain this to him, things got louder and more heated. He eventually said I was being mean and I should understand what he's been going through and it's understandable why he forgot and if i hadn't left him for a period he wouldn't have had to come home everyday to make sure that I was coming home. WHAT?
I walked away, I gather my thoughts and i told him. It's not that we lost the money, though that sucks big time. It's the fact that you can't take responsibility for your actions without trying to place blame on some other force. He said 'ok' and we have since not really spoken.
I will not feel guilty, or that I had any part in him not doing his job. This is a huge step for me, before today he would have really beat it into me that it was my fault, all things that go south are my fault. For me, that is no longer the case. And I feel good that today, I am strong enough to stand up for myself.
Submitted by jgsmom on
I know EXACTLY how you feel!!! Do not let him blame you for his behavior!!! You handled it beautifully!!!!!
Submitted by lindyone on
WOW ANOTHER POST THAT i COULD HAVE WRITTEN. I am blamed for everything. It gets very Old. I am proud of you for standing strong.
Good for you! I remember when
Submitted by Clarity on
Good for you! I remember when I used to believe it really was all my fault... I'm sure glad to be past all that confusion! Still, there's never an apology... Keep standing up for yourself!
Wow, I could have written
Submitted by dedelight4 on
Wow, I could have written that myself as well. My husband and I have lived that one over and over again. He FIRST blames everything on someone else. Now, he is beginning to take some blame himself, but still always FIRST will say that someone else did it, then maybe recant. Example: He went outside on Saturday to do some yard work, and of course he was wearing his good shoes. He KNEW that he had them on, but didn't change to scruffy shoes. Anyway, he steps in doggie duty and gets it all over the shoes, and of COURSE the dog was to blame for pooping right THERE. If she hadn't done her duty in THAT spot, he wouldn't have stepped in it. Of course it would have been different if he had is OLD shoes on, but no, the dog was STILL to blame. (it's exhausting)