I'm the one having an emotional affair

I am the spouse of a man with untreated ADHD. There are good times but there have been horrible times when he's told deplorable lies to avoid conflict, and has saddled me for years with the majority of the financial responsibility of our family and has emotionally abused me.

I love him but I'm burnt out from our marriage and I struggle to feel attracted to him. And I just don't feel valued and seen by him.

Enter the ex and the big dramatic love of my life who I was off and on with for most of my 20's. We reconnected a few months ago and mostly IM but it's become more frequent, and there have been a few epic phone conversations. He is also married with kids and lives far away so although we've both admitted to still having strong feelings we won't be acting on it. But the contact is intoxicating and honestly just gives me something I don't get from my marriage.

I didn't seek this out but here it is.