1. I am a stay at home mom to our two kids and have no means of providing for ourselves at the moment.
2. It feels wrong to leave my DH who is "broken."
Does that make sense?
#1 scares the daylights out of me. If I choose to leave, I do have a place to go (live with friends) but I can't be a freeloader forever. I would have to get recertified in my field in order to go back to work and I don't know how much time or money that might take. I've been a stay at home mom for 7 years and stupidly let my certification lapse.
#2 makes me feel bad. My DH needs help. He needs treatment. He needs someone to support him in that. But the thing is, I can't anymore. I've been at this for a long time and I'm spent. We will be married for 13 years this summer and I've been BEGGING him for at least half that time to be my partner, to take responsibility, to listen to me, to talk to me, to consider my feelings, etc. At one point all I asked of him was simple to be NICE to me and he couldn't even do that.
He was initially diagnosed with ADD in 2007 or 2008 and took meds for a short time then, but quit. He has been back on them now for a couple months (at my urging) but he has stopped going to therapy. I cannot help someone who is not willing to help himself. I told him loud and clear last weekend that he needed to get treatment or my path would become very clear. So he did go to therapy this week (first time since 12/27/10) but said it wasn't because I asked him to; he was going to start going again anyway (yeah right). I should note that we did have a lapse in insurance for once month because he started a new job, but he could have started right back up in therapy in February, not two months later. In that same conversation I suggested marriage counseling and he flat out said no. How long do I wait for him to show some improvement before I call it quits?
Plus, I've been doing things to get ME healthier over the past few months and it feels really good. I am going to therapy and taking antidepressants (I have post partum depression). I am trying to eat better and exercise (to lose the baby weight 18 months later LOL), I am making new friends, I am getting things done. I leave the house every chance I get when he gets home in the evening. In that, I feel like I am leaving him behind. He has no desire to do those things or better himself. He never takes me out. If we go on a date, it's because I made all the arrangements (found a babysitter, planned where to go, etc). If we have sex, it's usually because I initiated it. His life seems to be all about his job. That's all he talks about (hyperfocus??). He offered to take over our family banking/budgeting as a way of taking some responsibility. I sent him the information MONTHS ago, and he has done nothing with it. He overspends constantly, even though we have agreed on our budget amounts. I call that financial infidelity (but of course he disagrees). I am thinking of taking it back and taking away his debit card, but not sure if that will even help. There are little tasks that I've asked him to do around the house and he's never gotten around to them. I finally threw up my hands and did them myself and now he feels that I am making a mockery of him for doing them. But doing them really empowered me!
Our house is a miserable place to live. We disagree about everything. We are not partners, we seem to be two different managers of our household, shifting around responsibility and blame constantly. Roommates for sure! I am sick of being unhappy. I want to be happy and feel productive again. I want my kids to have a happy mom.
Your thoughts? Your experiences?