As I've mentioned above, I'm the problem. I have ADHD and it's causing issues in my relationship. Reading some of the posts here, I see that this is maybe the incorrect forum as most forum writers appear to be the competent spouses with issue. I am the issue. I have only been married for 1 month and I already feel like my wife is losing her mind taking care of me.
A brief history: I've been diagnosed with ADHD since I was 15 years old. Drugs worked but they changed my personality and made me irritable so I quit after only 2 months. It's very odd as I was quite organized as a child, setting out my outfits each week for an entire week. Always picking up after myself. It's hard to say when it happened, and it's most likely that I've got a few other problems stemming mostly from my parents divorce at age 12, but I lost all of my drive and started to give way to every temptation, every thought, anything that would peek the curiosity in my brain for any direct moment regardless of the consequences.
I don't even know if I'm truly ADHD, depressed, or a little bit of both. I guess it would be easier to say I do have ADD and take some pill that would help me keep to task. I force myself to believe I'm trying, but I don't. I think showing up is 90% of the battle, but it's not. Everything else in the world is more interesting than the task that is assigned to me. I'm an absolute fucking mess. I can barely take care of myself. When my spouse is not around, I achieve nothing, sometimes forgetting to eat, and cannot complete even the smallest/easiest of tasks. In some ways, I think she's enabling me, which is heartbreaking to already know that about your marriage after just 1 month.
In comparison to how some people have been described in this forum, I do have a job and in my case I'm the "bread winner", but the job is new and the amount of work keeps piling up as I fall more and more behind. Occasionally I'll have a good day, but most of them are bad. I'm sure it won't be long before I'm let go. The anxiety of which makes me spend more time at the office than I probably should, further avoiding the tasks that await me at home, all the while not really working to my full potential while at work. I have metaphorically shit the bed and am now making a home of it. Meanwhile, I'll spend 2 hours writing in a forum to absolute strangers who, if they've been paying attention, consider me an absolute asshole right about now.
I don't want to be this person any more. I've completely lost my identity to ADHD, or depression, or whatever it is... I feel depressed because I wish I could do more. I know I could do more. I'm smart enough to know that my decisions are bad choices, but I truly cannot help myself. I'm either in for a stern awakening (albeit my wife leaves me, or I lose my job) or I start to make changes and fast.
Deperately seeking advice,