I'm sick to my stomach and can't concentrate on anything!

I've just had it! H is on day whatever of not going to work. I just looked at his paycheck online for the past two weeks. 8 hours total (not like its a shock because I snooped online at his hours and that's all it was going to be even though it SHOULD be 4 days because that's how many days he left the house in the morning!) and after taxes and what they could salvage for child support payments he ended up with a whopping total of $20.08! He currently has $15 in the bank and that's it. So he is going to live on $35 for the next 2 weeks and try to explain to me why that's all he has! Not only can he not pay his share of bills or mortgage, but he can't pay any of his own student loans or credit card payments. He's digging a huge hole!

On top of all this, yesterday was my company picnic. H knew about this for weeks and kept saying how excited he was to come and how much fun it would be. I even forwarded him an email yesterday morning with the rundown of what would be going on there and he responded back with "I can't wait". I told him the night before that I was going to take the train and he can just pick me up at work at 4PM and we'll go from there. Well at 3:15 I send him a text (as a reminder in case he forgot) saying to call when he is out front. At 4:04 I get the response of "ok". You are just NOW responding ok??! He was supposed to be there by then! Then at 4:17 he texts me "Will be a few...had to go back for my wallet". Really?! I knew that was a lie. He doesn't show up until almost 5PM and I am the last one there sitting on the steps waiting on him. He tells me he just got about a mile down the road before he had to turn around and get his wallet. Okay so that should have made you about 5-10 minutes late, not an hour late! I know he was sleeping or something and then texted me at 4:04 when he woke up and then probably hopped in the shower and texted me at 4:17 as he was leaving the house. Then as we are walking towards the picnic shelter he tells me "Yeah I almost canceled on you, I just wasn't feeling the picnic...but here I am". Well goody goody! Thanks for making this picnic oh-so-fun. Now I know you really don't want to be here, but now I should kneel down and thank you several times for managing to come! And I love how he puts on this act of lovey dovey and kissing and hand holding and back scratching in front of everyone and then doesn't say a word to me on the way home and 10 minutes after we get home he goes "What is up with you?" because I'm not saying much and looking upset. What is up with ME????!!!! I am the way I am because you are being a complete jerk not going to work and lying to me and not telling me what the real problem is and now you are turning this all around on ME having the problem?? 

He's the master at turning his problems into my problems. Oh he feels just fine but I must have some issue because I'm stomping around the house. He'll give me reason after reason as to why he can't go in and then when I tell him to stop lying and tell me the truth, that's when he'll go ballistic saying "Okay, well my daughter hates me, my friend from high school just died and I hate my job! I am not going into that job as it's sucking the life out of me. Would you just give me some time to clear my head and figure out what I need to do"! Oh by all means! Everyone in the working world needs weeks of not going into work without pay to clear their head and it appears to be something he needs to do every few months! It was a month ago that he told me he was so happy in his new area at work and how laid back it was and how he was just so happy overall.

I woke up last night with stomach pains from being so stressed out about this. I have to talk to him about it as I keep it all bundled up inside and it's making me ill. I can't get a thing done at work because I'm too busy checking up on him or wondering what he's going to be like when I get home and just sick to my stomach. I just don't think I'm going to get a straight answer out of him. He either turns it into a game or gets outright angry that I'm upset at what he's doing!