Hi! This is my first post on this site. I am glad to have found a forum where I can find some support and be supportive.
My husband was diagnosed with ADD in kindergarten, and began meds right away. At 18, when he was legally allowed to stop them, he did, and just carried on about his life like he'd never had ADD. Since then he's not seen a doctor, and refused to read up/seek guidance/anything regarding adult ADD. I thought, for the last 2 years that he just didn't know how to be an adult, until I remembered that he was diagnosed with ADD as a child. I started to read up on it and even came across older posts from this forum and printed it all out in PURE EXCITEMENT for him to read. I printed symptoms of ADD in adults, Marriage and ADD advice I had found, and even an old thread from this site re: partners of spouses with ADD. I finally realized, this could be PART of the problem. Although my husband hasn't been formally diagnosed with ADD as an adult, I can share a few reasons I suspect he may still be dealing with it.
-he's quite awful with money....filed bankruptcy.....and was heading into filing again when I met him.
-I cannot ask him to do more than one thing (ie. take out the garbage and vacuum) since it's overwhelming and he ends up doing none
-we set out chores when we started living together and he's not gone 1 full week with doing all tasks (he has 7, I have more than 15)
-he continually contradicts himself, sometimes even in the same sentence
-(not sure if this is a trait or not) but he'd stolen money from our family and lied to me about it
Anyway, like most other spouses on this forum I've read I feel quite the same. I'm so tired of looking after what feels like a child. He's like living with a tornado!! I'm exhausted. I'm resentful that I have to do everything.
Apart from sex, my husband initiates nothing.....he's quite happy to sit on the couch and watch tv.
I'm at the end of my rope here. I have one daughter from a previous relationship and when I first met my husband I was excited at the thought of giving her a sibling sooner rather than later, but now I'm afraid to have kids with him.....
I feel terrible. I'm an awful person for the thoughts I have in my head. I want to leave him, but he's got me (and my parents) in such financial distress that I can't leave. Then I feel guilty for thinking of leaving, but I can't get past how mad I am at him.
He's not read any of the material I've given him, and he tells me he's never going on meds again (he was on ritalin as a child) I told him there are many components to working with his ADD, such as diet, exercise, meds and a life coach (or 1, or all 4, or 3 etc)..
I'm just at a point now where if I ask him to leave, maybe he'll realize that he's got to work on himself (I know I also do, but I'm actively trying by researching, reading on happy couple secrets, etc). I just don't understand how he says he understands what he's putting my daughter and I through, yet he doesn't care enough to work on it.
I just need help!!