I'm so surprised, confused, betrayed, don't know where to go anynore

I am so glad I found this forum to express my portion of this horrible friend I have carried all my life called ADHD.  It turned out that it was thru some school issues about my youngest child that I was suggested by her psychiatrist to get tested for ADHD.  My child has some of the signs of ADHD but does not meet all the criteria.  So I went to a psychologist and got a huge long psychometric battery of tests that dug out things of my entire life since I was a child.  The study measure many things from attention, decision making, intelligence, character, etc etc etc.  Then I met with a psychiatrist and turn out that I do meet the criteria for ADHD hyperactive and impulsive type.  Also showed me that I have an IQ of 119-look this number online and yeah I was surprised too-.

This ADHD I discovered last summer 2013 and I have been in Vyvanse 20mg in am and Adderall 10 in pm.  It has helped me to focus tremendously in my job-in the office clerical stuff- to do it faster and more organized, it has calmed the hyperactivity to the point I don't react to my my wife's provocative conversations with an aggressive bold response as I used to.  When I say provocative I mean threatening, offensive, inviting, violent, humiliating, character killing, dogging down, you imagine the rest.  At this point our marriage is completely destroyed.  We are part of the new American trend family that stay married for the kids, live together in the same house, have sex sometimes, share the house and the kids chores, but are emotionally separated/divorced.  We are not dating anyone but we are trying to stay together for the kids.  She blamed it all on me and has expressed clearly that she is disappointed to marry a man crazy in the head, and that she don't want to deal with that kind of disease.  If I would have had a brain tumor or high blood pressure she would have understood and deal with that.

I don't blame her because, yes she is right on many areas, where I have delayed or forgotten to do things like painting a room, fix up the grass, wash the cars, finish paperwork, wait to the last minute to meet deadlines.  I would attribute these to ADHD but my schedule is pretty tight to have space for other things.  This is why I am so glad I found this place to post this portion of my life to see if anyone else have a different opinion or suggestions how to do thing different, things that may have help you or someone else.

I come form a very poor family where my father is a schizophrenic, stop working when I was 10 years old, decided to hop on welfare forever not caring a damn thing about me and my siblings. My mother was laid off her job around the same time and never went back to work.  I have been working in different jobs since 12 yrs.  I stared washing trucks and cars, to renting videos, to an autoparts warehouse, tv production studios, DJ, may others-all legal....  I had the chance to do all illegal things because of the environment I grew up in but I decided that there must be something better.  In the mean time my grades at school were 4.0 As.  I went to college, went to graduate school, have extra years of training and lets say I'm board certified.  I met my wife in the senior year of high school and we have been together since.  We went to college and graduate school together.  She became my best and only friend.  She was raised by a hating mother that never cared for her in any way other than the bare basic necessities of life.  I grew up in a poor neighborhood and she grew up in the middle class subdivision.  So over the years she has always seen me as less than a person, less than her socially because I "come from the garbage of society-poor welfare government supported people".  She grew up in a "jail like home" where she was not allowed to go out or hang out with friends, go shopping, go to the mall, call anyone, play with anyone, even her clothe was given to her because her mom never took her to a store to buy her anything.  So she has always been very possessive of me; where she raise hell if I want to go somewhere with people I know because I don't have or I'm not allowed to have any friends-according to her nobody wants to be with an ADHD guy because at some point I will embarrass myself her and the kids because I have a very happy personality, in the other hand I have always supported her to go out with friends and I don't make any fuzz about it.

So since last summer she has the upper hand over me; and everything I do or happen it is blamed it on my ADHD.  How do I understand living like this with someone that keeps calling me names, make fun of my bald head, my ears, that I'm short with a belly, that I'm fat at 156 lbs.  Growing up on a poor environment trained me to sustain blows from social rejection, take hard bullying words from others, etc that what ever she says to me it really don't bother me anymore.  I've learned in this site about why the wife has become nagging all the time.  She complains that I don't do enough around the kids or the house......  Right now its about 1 am in any of my typical days.  My day starts at 6:30 am, I wake up the kids, fix up their breakfast, fix up their lunches, get them ready for school, drive them to school, stop for a coffee and a marble cake if I'm lucky, drive 32 miles to work, start working at 8:15 straight non stop till about 12:15.  No time for lunch-maybe a snack if Im lucky.  Then travel 23 miles to another office of the same company to start working again at 1:00 pm till 3 pm, then rush to drive another 4 miles to get the kids at school some days.  Then take them somewhere where ever they have an extra after school activity.  Go home and help out with their homework some days, cook dinner some days, do the ironing some days, help with the kitchen and with the kids clean out the kitchen.  Then, maybe shower on time to go back to the office to work on papers at night and that's what I'm supposed to do here now til 2-3 am.  Then, go back to the house and sleep somewhere, sometimes in the car if it is fresh outside; in the floor carpet, the couch, the closet floor, the family room, anywhere but in the bed because my "breathing don't let her sleep and I snore".  On the weekends I do the toilets, showers, laundry, etc but the windows.  I don't mind because it keeps me busy. For years I carried a big nose due to deviated septum so last year I had the nose hump removed and the nostrils opened, now I have a turbo nose that sound the moving air and I can breath very well.  Since we work together in the same company and she is the boss that is enough for her not to help in the house.  I have always been supportive of her ideas and projects.  At this point I realized we had everything to be happy as a couple and as a family but "my ADHD" has ruined it all.  We don't have any kind of extended family relationship or help so we do it all me or her.  She can go to the Spa and spent any amount, but I have to give a half hour explanation why I want to go to the gun range for target shooting at $10.00 per hour.  All because she don't have it and "I have ADHD and I'm crazy in the head".

It has come to the point that I prefer to avoid been with her, close to her, around her, so she don't get upset, because at some point something will happen that will ignite her mouth and here comes again and her assassinating words "its my ADHD that causes the problem" and she is tired of dealing with someone like me, that she deserves better not some "crazy in the head ADHD husband", "this ADHD is a shame to the kids because the huge problem I bring to the family".   I'm not good enough to meet the other parents at school................It is way so much more than this..... I'm tired and very much confused, I don't know where to go anymore for help.  According to her "the psychiatrist-ordered therapies are a waste of time and her money because I will never change to anything good".

I am not perfect, not a dime, but I had enough of this ADHD guy and all I'm looking here is for suggestions, opinions, recommendations, ideas, whatever you want to call it.  I recognize that the undiagnosed untreated ADHD has caused me a lot of pain tears grief difficulty humiliations in my life since I remember.  To the point that it has affected the lives of others especially my wife.  The plan now is to fix up the house to put it for sale ASAP, so we can break this marriage and move forward so she can "find someone else that cares for her, be a man to her, is tall, slender, with hair, not a wrinkle anywhere, healthy and without defects".  So I told her good luck with that...

Thank you for putting up with me and for reading this clip of my life.