Honestly just curious, does anyone else ever experience this?
Here's a real-life example of our common situation:
We're both artists/entrepreneurs. I just spent 2 hours cleaning and cooking in the kitchen to make dinner after a 10 hour day of doing chores while she worked on her creative project all by herself.
I told her dinner was ready, and she told me "Awesome, just got to send my project out to (random FaceBook group) before I'm done and see what they think" (this after she's already asked my opinon and I told her it looked great, with a genuinely critical but honest response).
So, knowing how much strangers traumatize her on the regular, and only trying to protect her mental health, I suggest that she show it to a close group oif friends first, whom opinions she can actually rely on and trust, before she shows it to a bunch of strangers whom she doesn't know and will most likely tear her down for reasons that shouldn't be important to her (because they're random opinions and it's HER art).
Well, essentially, to her this was me shutting her down. Then I get met with, after a 5 minute back and forth of me trying to explain how I just care about her and am trying to help her stop patterns that don't help her, "You stressed me out too much, now I can't eat" which only feels like a guilt trip to me, and now as I stand here tired and starving, as now I have to feel bad for hurting her feelings by trying to protect her as I eat and she's in the other room?
These day, as a mechanism of self-defense, I've had to separate myself physically in these situations to not feel guilted by the way she expresses her rejection sensitivity and ADHD. There's even been situations where I might have not said something like that, and what happens? She shows it to a FB group, some RANDOM stranger shits on her work, and she's depressed for two weeks and now I HAVE TO LIVE WITH HER. But when I tell her I'm only warning her because I want to protect her mental health from people/situations who hurt her in the past, and that I love and care for her? Nah, I'm just stifling her creativity and keeping her from getting out there because she "has a hard time making close friends" in "real life".
*Sigh*, struggles form a millennial non-ADHD partner, I guess.