Does anyone else have a spouse who is constantly asking why? Most of the time it is in reference to something I don't want to do or that makes me uncomfortable, and not anything that directly relates to him. The answer of, because I don't want to or it makes me uncomfortable is never enough. It has to be explained in detail and gets worried like a dog with a bone. If I try to help him understand why, well then all of the reasons are argued against like my being comfortable or not with something is up for negotiation. If I don't have it in me to do it and just say, that he doesn't have to understand, but I do need him to respect my request, well then I'm wrong and I'm cold, and I don't know how to be a family and I'm keeping him from doing what he wants to do. Me NOT wanting to do something is never as important as him wanting to do something.
Sometimes it has to do with our daughter. Believe me, I get that he lives in the now and everything else is in the not now, but when I ask him to do or not do something, I am always expected to justify and explain every single little request. And doing so doesn't make a difference, because he doesn't see the progression of things, and how if he does X or allows X well then YZ naturally follow, and since YZ are things that we don't want to happen we shouldn't do X, and even if he does he won't remember the conversation the next time he wants to do X.
Example interaction this morning:
Him: (to toddler) Do you want to listen to music? (starts to put headphones connected to his phone on the child)
Me: Please don't put the earphones on the baby.
Me: Because I asked you not to, isn't that enough? Do I have to explain everything?
Him: Yes. The book says you do. (referring to, and shaking The ADHD Effect on Marriage in my direction)
Him: Yes. (starts flipping through the book, which he hasn't gotten very far in)
Me: Okay. I don't want her using earphones because it can damage her hearing. Whether or not you think you've turned the volume down low enough, you really don't know if the volume is comfortable and at a non-damaging level for her, because your ears aren't right next to the speakers, hers are. Also, I remember when ipods were gaining in popularity, so was the incidence of hearing damage and loss from having the speakers, regardless of the set volume, so close to your ear drums as you do when you listen using earbuds or headphones.
Him: (Stops flipping through book) I don't have time to do this right now.
Me: Okay. I can feel myself getting angry and frustrated right now, and I don't want to fight with you this morning, So we (me and toddler) are going to go make breakfast.
Me: I don't want to fight with you. I can feel myself getting angry, so I'm removing myself from the situation. (picking up toddler)
Me: You are pushing my buttons, and I don't want to fight, so I'm leaving. (walking out of room)
Me: (and I know I was wrong here) *mocking* Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
Him: You are mocking me!
Me: Yes. Yes I am. I told you that I was getting upset and that I didn't want to fight with you so I was leaving and you kept asking why.
If someone can find for me in her book where Melissa says that you have to explain everything and be subjected to interrogation, I will be eternally grateful, because for the life of me, I can't.