I am the non-adhd spouse of an ADHD man who was diagnosed long after I had married him. I found out a few months ago that my husband of 12 years ago had his profile on a dating website. After the initial shock wore off, and many panic attacks of my own over this, things calmed down slightly. I was still determined to not let it go. After some snooping around on his emails, I came across messages from a couple of woman. To make a long story short, I confronted my husband with this info and he admitted to having his first affair 4 years ago! This was also about the same time he was put on Adderall for the ADHD. He also has had an ongoing "friendship" with another woman for about 1 year. I am beyond angry. I have gone through years of financial turmoil with this man, the house we own now is in foreclosure, we are in trouble with the IRS, I have about 4 judgments against me, we have had our cars repossessed, electric shut off, cable shut off, etc, etc, I could go on and on. We also have 2 small children together. I am absolutely heartbroken and betrayed. I told him I could forgive any of this ADHD crap I had to endure, but the infidelity?! That is my breaking point. It's as if I feel with the affairs, he poured gasoline on a house already on fire. I have thrown him out of the house for weeks now. But it is hard because I am not working and have no financial support. He wants to work on things but I feel as if I could never trust him again. With all the promises he makes, they always seems to be just words. He never puts anything into action. He's always too busy, too tired, too whatever. He always seems to have time for what he wants to do. I must also add that because of his Adderall, he stays up all night watching porn while he's supposedly working. By the time I get up in the morning with the kids, he is just going to bed. He is a salesman, and makes his own schedule.
My big question that I will put out there is: IS INFIDELITY A SIDE EFFECT OF ADHD? I'm sorry if this sounds weird. I just don't know if I could ever trust him and I feel because of the ADHD impulse control issues, that these people are more prone to have affairs than other married men.
Any advice is appreciated.