For several weeks (adding up to a month or two) my husband's ADHD really started to spiral out of control (after stopping ADHD meds cold turkey) and he withdrew and started sleeping in the den. During out marriage...off and on..he has taken to sleeping on the couch, in the den, etc. He once spent about 2 years sleeping on the couch. To make a long story short, it really troubled me and when we reconciled with a 'clean slate' approach in Dec 2009 after a brief separation I stressed to him how important the 'marriage bed' was to me. It wasn't something I wanted to just 'accept' about him (sleeping elsewhere) and needed him to promise he wouldn't do that anymore. He agreed...but mid-Feb, after stopping meds, he broke that promise. Ok, fine..I conceded, gave him time to get his head on straight, and then insisted he needed to start respecting some boundaries again. As always, things are up and down, the roller coaster everyone is familiar with, and as a way to hurt me, if he's angry or if I get upset with him about something, he sleeps on the couch. It IS on purpose...it is meant to hurt me...and effectively just puts a wedge between us. It is, 100% HIS decision to sleep down there.
We had an 'up' day yesterday and we watched a movie last night and he slept in the bed. This morning he thanked me for "letting him" sleep in the bed. This really bothers me for a few reasons. A) I never told him he couldn't. B) it makes me feel like he's making himself out to be a victim of HAVING to/being made to sleep in the den and this is very untrue. C) it reinforces, even if only in his mind, that I 'control' him. I thought to myself "does he really feel I LET him sleep in the bed, or not?" NO matter how mad he is at me, I am sleeping in my bed and (thanks to advice from Melissa ;-) ) I do not/would not tell him he couldn't do the same. I think there is a motive/reason behind him 'thanking me' for letting him sleep in our bed, but I cannot figure it out. I want to explain to him why this bothers me...but I am not sure how to approach it..or if it is even worth it.