Well, about 2 months ago my wife of 2 years left the house; we married when she was 34 and this is my 2nd marriage, her first. She immediately began therapy to find out why she was so depressed and unhappy and neither of us could understand what was happening in our marriage. After the first month she was gone, I was diagnosed with ADHD and after reading about it, everything began to make sense to me; I’m now being treated. As things between us detiorated while she was gone, like the typical ADHD hateful verbal lashings when something caused hurt or anxiety, she became convinced and told me that she never really wanted to get married and that “this” just wasn’t right, because she has never really been happy—even before we met—and now wants a divorce. Now, there is plenty of evidence to the contrary whether she wanted to get married: childhood “about me” school booklets talking about her ideal husband (which by the way describes me to a T), a bet she had with a family neighbor since a teenager about whether or not she would ever get married (she was given the $100 dollars at our wedding reception), journals, previous relationships where marriage was considered, not to mention all the pictures we have of us together during courtship that just show a very happy and always smiling woman.
Because she is dealing with her own issues, she really hasn’t spent a lot of time reading about the effects of ADHD on marriages. I have sent her articles and stories that she has read and she has commented that it was as if the authors had been looking through our front door. But still, she believes that she never really wanted to get married.
My question is, as a non-ADHD wife, did you ever *really* doubt whether you wanted be married as a consequence of the effects of ADHD? I really want to save my marriage—I love her very much, and am still in love with her, despite not having been well equipped to show it. But, since there is a path and an answer (in my mind anyway) as to what was wrong and how to solve it, is there anything I can do to convince her to look into the ADHD effects more before continuing on this path?