Inside the life of a non-ADHD spouse

Notice I did not say "the" non-ADHD spouse.  I would never assume that anyone else has the same experience as I've had just because he or she is the non-ADHD spouse.  (And yes, I also think people, including me, shouldn't assume that they know what is going on in the brain of my husband, the ADHD spouse.)

I go to work and feel as though I don't fit in, because I'm aware that my coworkers have spouses with jobs at which they actually get paid regularly and they deposit their paychecks in the bank and they're not in danger of losing their homes, and I no longer am that kind of person.

I feel as though I'm dead or my husband is dead, because he never initiates communication with me and he responds to only about 10 % of the messages I send him (typically fewer than five per week).  

I wonder how to get into that world of people who are in marriages in which both spouses have been faithful to their vows to support each other.  

I don't know what the proper role of a parent is when the other parent is either mentally ill or has a personality or brain disorder:  besides doing double the work as a parent, do I also tell my daughters why their father neglects them?

I spend a lot of time wondering how to say to my husband, in words he can understand, that if he doesn't pitch in financially, I can't pay bills.  

My brain feels like a pretzel and my stomach knots up when I contemplate the common belief that I, as the non-ADHD spouse, should know exactly how my husband's brain works and should have eternal patience and understanding, whereas the common belief is that he owes me nothing.