Please excuse any flubs. I'm typing on my cell phone.
Where do I start...? Sigh. My husband and I have been together for 7 years, married for 2. While courting, we both had our share of infidelity. But! Since we've been married...I know on my end, I've been faithful. However, I don't feel like things have been the same. ...like it was before the cheating. But! The romance, the spark is just gone. We don't have sex. Well, not often. We had sex this past Friday night. I did all the work, though. Before that, it was June 22nd. Before that, it was May 17th. Before that, March 19th... I do work a lot, but I just kinda feel like...people make time for the things they want. Right?And, I try. I just don't feel wanted though. I mean, I've been told that I was beautiful growing up and even currently. But! It's by everyone but my husband. I find myself damn near begging him for his time and affection. I don't even feel remotely attractive anymore. It's killing me. On top of that..., I'm constantly finding hotel room keys around house, in his car, in my car... But! It's always some excuse. Remember our anniversary last year? Or, my cousin stayed there and left the key. And, he's my husband, I'm supposed to believe him. So, I turn my cheek...just wanting to trust him. I've found jewelry receipts on top of the refrigerator...behind cereal boxes...it was for his cousin apparently. I wanted to expand our family as we both have a child from previous relationships. My stepson is 15, and my biological son is 8. First, he didn't want to start all over again with a baby. Then, he had to get his career in order. Next, I was told that I wasn't ready to be a mother again. That cut deep. So, it was nearing the time get my birth control replaced (Mirena; every 5 years), and I had difficulties with it going up into my uterus and getting embedded and causing issues. Well, without getting into detail, I had to have surgery. So, in thinking I would be able to gain some type of leverage... He let me know that we needed to find a form of birth control to replace it...even though we barely have sex. I guess he just really doesn't want my baby. Idk. In the end...I got the Mirena replaced. This happened on May 5th of this year. Soon after...Mother's Day rolls around. He didn't even tell me happy Mother's Day. No gift. Nothing. This is the first year he's ever done this. But! His response was that I'm not his mother. And, it was my then 7 year old son's responsibility for orchestrating my dream Mother's Day. Wtf!!!! Eventually, he realized that maybe he was wrong. Then, he starts talking about maybe I could take the Mirena out and have a baby. Yet! A week before that...you didn't want my baby. I ignored his request and told him he was bogus for trying to use that to get back into my good grace. Idk what to do. I'm so sad. So lonely. Idk what to do