Intense sadness tonight

Hi all, am using this forum to try to get rid of my sadness tonight. Not really looking for a great epiphany because... Well just because. I avoid saying to much details about my personal life here because it is so public but those who have read my posts know Ive had some rough times w my spouse. And yet we have kept together and are still married- tho separated for several months. He says he is still in the relationship but what he says and does sometimes seem like two very different things. I am alone A LOT w the kids and the anxiety and loneliness are brutal. I suffer from depression- did someone call it situational (meaning my life feels so stinky often that I am depressed)? I have stated my boundaries, Ive looked for alternative places of support, I keep busy.... But as I have interactions w my spouse he keeps bringing my hopes up that he will be here in my life again only to disappear at work for days (w the occasional phone or text).. But its not enough. I miss having a relationship that involves two people!! I feel so stupid and dejected, the quintessential desperate housewife- lonely and pathetic sometimes that it gets OPPRESSIVE. I will get over it and my little pity party is getting old/ but I do want to share that at this moment my spouse probably has no clue at how much I am hurting after he just hung up on me ("im not listening to this..") and refuses to answer his phone. Shut down and shut out. And yeah, those will say he is adhd overwhelmed- leave him alone... But I AM SO LONELY. It is so hard as I need to be the strong one for the kids (though they are getting used to hear me cry in theother room). I try to pull myself up and be there for them. It is so hard for them too, I know. In any case, I keep fighting to keep on. To find my own self esteem, to deal w this guy who has not only adhd issues but clearly others- yet says he loves me- we've been together almost 30 years! So tonight I and the kids are alone again and yet I have to keep trying to hold it together...crap its so hard folks. So when you discuss how hard it is to deal w the adhd symptoms and how the non-adhd partners can not know the pain and low self esteem-- understand- in many cases we feel the pain too. Oh God, so much it hurts.