What price intimacy?

She: What do you think about _________?

He: What do you mean?

She:  What is your opinion about it?

He: What is yours?

She: I think it seems to me that _____________.  That is what I think about it.

He: no words

She: Well?

He: What?

She What do you think about ____________?

He:  I doesn't matter, You just told me what you think. You don't care about what I think about it.

She:  I asked you what you think about it because i DO care.  I am interested in how you feel about it.

He: You just think you are right about everything. If I say what I think, you will just say I am wrong. so why bring it up?

She:  I would like to know how you feel. And I tell you how I feel.

He:  You don't care about my feelings.  Why should I care about yours?

She:  What?

Here is where I used to get side-tracked and take the issue about what he is saying to me about me in my defensive chaos.  My initial question was ignored as we locked horns amid my hurt feelings and his defiance about me not caring. Now I realize he does not want intimacy but would rather have his privacy and wants to isolate. Strong barriers to his soul and his will.  This is his decision and I cannot fight it any longer.  But I need intimacy and talk and sincerity and trust.  Part of me is dying because of the isolation and the darkness of our separateness and defiance. He can't talk about it.

If I encourage him to talk and only agree with everything he says, supporting his views and not giving my own,  then our relationship is only built on NPR recitations, diversions, toilet humor and eventually, always, his diatribes about U.S. politics.  Not my cup of tea, especially between partners in life where decisions must be made and opinions matter. So many things go undisgussed and unsolved. So many things are in limbo and chaos.



He: A sailor and a prostitute were sitting on the dock. The prostitute says, __________________hehe..............

She: Hmmmmm.

He: Don't you think that is funny?

She:  Not really. Don't you know me by now? 

He:  Have you NO sense of humor AT ALL?  Walking away in disgust. 


I guess when 2 people are married for 40 years, there are some assumed screens we see each other through.  I don't believe what he says.  He thinks I judge him. 

He lies. I judge.