I'd joined this very valuable forum several years ago while also reading Dr Orlov's books... perhaps this isn't the best way to introduce myself, but I signed back up again to have a community and sounding board in the midst of my ongoing divorce. I'd hope it's not considered grossly inappropriate to come back, hat in hand, having "flunked out" of the world of marriage. Even so I hope I can share experiences and thoughts with as much insight as those who are still married. And even with my life the way it is now, my ADHD won't fix itself in a vacuum, so I hope to still absorb knowledge here that will help me better myself and master my brain, future relationship or not.
As a brief intro and explanation of my username... as a 30-something male with non-hyperactive ADD, the last 2 years of my life have had the unfortunate themes of Alcoholism, Cancer, and Divorce. But I just can't think of a personal tragedy to add that starts with the letter "B"... how about Bad Breath?
Anyway, I'm just over 2 years removed from the day I had my last drink - before that was a 5-6 year period of ever-increasing misery for myself and my (non-ADD) ex. After a tense phase where I got professional help to kick my addiction, the discussion was had about taking time apart from each other to repair and assess ourselves. After 10 months in a temporary living space, we had some long, honest, and quite amicable talks. The decision was made that we'd be better off no longer married, but probably remaining friends. Unfortunately, while moving into my official bachelor apartment this spring, I was diagnosed with stage IV cancer. The battle to overcome that has taken up an amazing amount of time and energy since then, though the divorce is still on-track to be finalized next month.
Throughout all of this many people have commented on my resiliency and my steadfastness. My sobriety I feel is very solid, and a source of great pride, knowing that the idea was once unthinkable and terrifying. But frankly it's still tough inside my head. Lack of gratitude and perspective was something that sunk my marriage, and lately I feel like I've backtracked into a sad little negative tape loop. This despite having improving health, a couple good and fulfilling hobbies, a supportive family, and a handful of kind friends (though none of them super-close to me).
I could say more about that, but for now let me say hi, and hope to share more and help more on this board in the future.