The irrational thinking is killing me

My husband that I am separated from but living with right now, blew up this morning. It started with him attempting to start laundry while I was cooking breakfast. I reminded him (not as gently as I should for such an unstable personality) that I planned on doing my laundry after breakfast, but told him he could if he keeps up with it. He declined. 

He gave me the cold shoulder after that and a couple hours later, announced he was going to the laundromat. I reminded him how silly that was, considering mine was almost done, and he started in with the blame. 

He's only been here a few weeks, but the old, bad habits are still there and driving me crazy. He has been recently diagnosed with adhd, but insists that our problems are because of me. As if I am resentful for absolutely no reason. I swear that I do try to get along with him, but since he has moved in "to help", very little help is happening. 

I tried to discuss with him the incidence last night where he chased me down in Walmart to tell me how awful it was that I left him to care for our son and the buggy, while I ran off to literally run around quickly trying to find a specific product. He refuses to see that I did nothing wrong. Our child is small and can be kept up with at a brisk walk. He is still angry that I expected him to watch both our son and the buggy with my purse in it. Next time, I'm pushing the dang buggy or he just doesn't come along. 

It got so bad that I told him to please move out asap and get a house in the neighborhood. This makes him even more angry and he accuses me of trying to keep him from his son. When I tried to explain that he'd live very close, he told me he refuses to live in the ghetto. Now how is that my problem? I live in this house in this quiet neighborhood, just fine. 

I reiterated that he has adhd and needs meds. After he left, I posted several links about adhd on faceboo. Maybe he'll read them at the laundromat. 

I am flabbergasted, yet not at all surprised. I'd rather be broke again than have to live with this insane thinking. 

I asked him to calm down while doing laundry and to come back with a clean slate. I agreed to do the same. BUT we are so uneven. He expects that I smile while I give reminders about anything I expect him to do. He wants me to continue to listen to his every word, while he zones out and doesn't respond to 99% of the things I say. 

All of the responsibility and change is on me. I have to stay stable emotionally when I really just want to scream. 

The laundry incident is just

The laundry incident is just like my husband (has ADD).  I do mine and the kids' clothes  and he does his on his own (too stinky for me to deal with b/c of his job and he doesn't shower frequently)  It will take him all day to do just 2 loads b/c he forgets about it, has to do it over b/c the wet clothes have been sitting in the washer for the entire day.  I would have said, and have said, the same exact thing you did.  I think it's partly b/c he just doesn't think about us plus he just can't stay focused on laundry, it's boring and does take some time.  No one likes it but it has to be done.  Sometimes I just want to scream at him to be an adult.  In life, there are things that you don't like to do or that are boring but need to be done anyway.  Does he think I enjoy doing dishes 5 times a day, I have to though.  Sometimes I feel like he purposely does a bad job at a task so I will do it over then never ask him again to help.  He'll do the dishes sometimes but then I have to redo them.  And it's not b/c he didn't do them the same way I do, it's b/c they are still dirty.  There is still grease, that you can see, or it is still sticky, whatever.  He works a lot and his shifts are 24 hours then if he gets overtime it could be 36 hours.  When he works a lot I sometimes wish for him to be home so I can have some help, but then when he is home he is no help.  

The dishes!  My husband used

The dishes!  My husband used to offer to do the dishes.  And he would. And it would take him twice as long as it took me, and most of the dishes would still have crud on them when he was done.  He got very offended when I pointed this out.  

I feel the same

I complained once that there was still food on a dish he "washed". His explanation? That food was there before he washed it. Makes sense? I think not. Nearly anything he attempts is done in a half arsed manner. The time this grand car detailer (he claims he should do it for a living)  attempted to clean my car as a favor still baffles me. There were water spots all over every single window. He blamed it on the water. The second attempt left half as many water spots. This time he blamed it on not having the right tools (a squeegee). When I cleaned them myself, he watched me, with contempt, from the door. I got all the spots off easily. Had it been HIS car, I believe it would've been done right the first time. 

Mine isn't even working now, but dishes and trash are half done or  not done. Money is not an issue now and he contributes as much as needed.   My few rules are mostly forgotten. I gave him our son's room to share and told him his things must be put up, at least on his dressers or in the closet. Clothes and shoes are on the floor or his couch/bed. You can't live in someone else's house and not respect the rules. 

Yet I AM THE UNREASONABLE ONE in his eyes. I know his last counselor convinced him it was all my fault, even though he did diagnose him with adhd. My situation is lose/lose/lose, yet I still try very hard to exude positivity and internalize my frustration and resentments. My gods it is so difficult! He wants to be praised for every little thing he does, and I do thank him when appropriate, but where is my constant thanks? Lol, I don't need it. Where is my break, though? I can't put him on the plane fast enough. 

Mine wouldn't rinse the dishes

My ex-husband had to wash the dishes (I worked from 8:15 am to 10 pm) but didn't bother to rinse them. I once came home from work exhausted and hungry, dished out the last bowl of ice cream for myself and ended up putting it down the sink since all I could taste was dish soap. He was upset when I said he should have rinsed the dishes. The memory of going to bed hungry because he couldn't do a simple job like washing dishes sticks with me even after all these years.