I have been married to my husband for 11 years and have experienced all the craziness that is described in this forum. I often find myself relating to so many of the posts here. When I first began noticing the odd behaviors, the lying, the cheating, the angry temper, stonewalling, silent treatments, saying one thing - doing another, etc, etc. I, like most of you went on a search for what was going on to gain clarity and validate that I was not in fact losing my mind. My husband's two oldest sons both have ADHD so that is where I began my search. I found the book, Is it you, me or ADHD? and I found myself saying.. YES! This is my life!!. I then found Melissa's website, books and we even attended her couple's online seminar. My husband went along with the "therapy" and several other therapists after but nothing really ever changed. He would be ok for a little while and then things would go right back to the way they were or worse. Each time I would try to talk to him about my feelings or reach out to him emotionally in any way I would be met with pure and utter rage. Everything I said would be flipped back on me, he would accuse me of things I never said and EVERYTHING I said was perceived as an attack on him. He could never "hear" what I was trying to say because he was always to busy trying to scream over me and defend himself. He would always talk about how hard it was for HIM to find out these things about himself but NEVER would acknowledge any of my feelings or what it was like for me!! I was always walking on eggshells trying to be understanding of his issues but never got the same back. Arguments were never about his behavior but rather my reaction to his behavior. He would NEVER accept any responsiblity or accountability for anything he did. About a month ago we had a fight where again, I tried to talk to him about my feelings and he flipped out, started screaming at me and started filing for divorce the next day. He refuses to talk to me about any of it and has become extremely cruel. I moved out last week and have already been replaced. He shows absolutely no emotion over the end of our marriage while I am devastated. I no longer feel this is ADHD. It is textbook covert narcassism and it will NEVER change! (atleast in my case). My husband has no empathy or remorse for his actions NONE. While this has been a big pill to swallow I now can begin the recovery of getting my life back. The abuse is insidious and many of us don't even know or acknowledge that we are in fact being emotionally abused... I know I didn't. Instead, I would keep trying to be better, do better and make excuses for things I knew in my gut were wrong. I tried trying to not take things personal but how can you not when you are talking about one of the most personal relationships you will ever have?? I am angry at myself for allowing him to abuse me for all those years. And yes, it was abuse and having to admit that to myself was the hardest of all. No one wants to think you married an abuser but that's exactly what I did..