It gets harder and harder by the hour.

He is very sick! not only ADHD but many other issues.I have never seen anything this bad before,he is not willing to take responsibilities for his terrible action's.

We are a sweet couple,we have loads of fun together when we go out,according to the environmental settings and the place and time,we would go out and kiss on the lips every 2 to 3 minutes and we don't care who is looking,we ARE soooo much in love.He has been my love and my sunshine through all the HERD times we have had together.We have a similar kind of likeness to food and socializing,we have the exact excitement for fun things together.Well I am about to go down the other side of my joys,along side them are our BIG fights and arguments over the MOST ridiculous things here goes.

He is upset I am on the internet,he hates that I own my own business and dealing with the public,he hates my dedication to my family/kids,he feels left out of the equation.I try my utmost best to spend as much time with him a possible so he does not feel left out,,, NOTHING I DO IS GOING TO MAKE IT BETTER.he has to get therapy and go on meds,I have come to my own realization that the only way in order for him to see things clearly is to get him in to therapy and on meds by the ADHD professionals,I know it won't solve all of the problems but it's a start.

He just would NOT go for treatment.I am having a lot of problems with him like:the porn every night the watching of the other woman,the "blame game" along that my most resent one is him rooting out my car battery from my car to stall me on the road.It cost me 9 hundred dollars of my own currency money not US dollars for my battery, which is a lot in my country.I live in the Caribbean.

Well the whole thing is I have to either leave him and stick to my plans and give him the option to go and start meds and therapy,or leave for good if he does not.I don't see things getting any better from my view and he has all these unrealistic dreams about having this woman, ANY woman including myself, to dedicate themselves to him and ONLY HIM.It's not going to happen,women will run run run from him,he is very sick he does not have ADHD alone but a train of disorders from my researches, and he has to get immediate help for this else his future is going to be bad for him especially for ANY relationship he was to be in,but that's not my problem if I am not with him at that time.

I left him to vent home alone for the weekend today and maybe he would STILL not get it ,but at least we would be in a place where we could get away from the fights.He is indeed a very sweet man when he is not in the "ADHD mood"but then again he has"ADHD with depressions"ADHD with anxiety"and many more,I have had a terrible and a wonderful experience with him thus far.But this is not going to get better from what I could see.

I am sad today to see this go down like this!!!! I know he could be sooo much better if he was to take some responsibility and MAN UP,but this is getting worse NOT better.I don't know what direction to proceed in right now,all I know is that we are losing each other b/c of ALL this.

lovehurts.

Sad too

Just found this post and read it.  

My husband IS on meds and DOES attend a support group, and DID se a psychologist (alone and with me).

He has come a long, long, long way.  Still has anger issues, and a few other things here and there.  

I feel as if now the ball is in MY COURT.  I need to decide if this is what I can handle for the rest of my life.  This is as good as it gets.  This is all there is.  I will NEVER have a "normal" marriage, with "normal" disagreements.  I will always be his "Mother" more than his wife, and there will never be a time when it's all about me.......................ever.

Family picnic coming up.  I love these people.  Baby almost 3.... I have never even met her.  I want to go so badly, yet I am stricken with fear, and don't know what to do.  There will be alcohol there...LOTS and LOTS....that frightens me. Family has issue with me, as remember, no one knows of his illness and I am just the mean old wet blanket bitch he married.  Some of the relatives do more than drink (if you see where I am going with this) and THAT frightens me to death with him.  His brother has a strong dislike of my husband, and that makes things very. very uncomfortable to the point where we have to stagger the holidays at his Moms....he goes early, we go later. AND if anyone saw my post about the last party I went to, where I asked him not to abandon me, which he agreed to, but then ditched me as soon as he could.  I  don't want it to be like that...these people I don't really mind being alone with (well some of them anyway), but I don't know what he will be doing if he "disappears" like he did at the last party....and this time, I FLAT OUT REFUSE to follow him around like a lost puppy.  I have known his family over 34 years.  We haven't been to an event with them in at least 10 years.  I'm afraid there will be trouble....this is a serious thing...trouble in this family can mean a huge brawl.

This is the stuff ahead of you.....think carefully.....make educated decisions....it's a long, lonely, difficult life if you stay.

NJTWINMOM,thanks for the reply.

Thank you for your reply,firstly let me apologies for misunderstanding your gender,It is really hard here to figure out gender's if they don't really say what it is.

I agree with what you stated,when you say, it's a long,lonely,difficult life if I stay.

I am fully aware of it all,things have been very nice and very very very rough.I am at my wits end in my marriage with him and things would seem to look up now,then,bam!!!!! something will go down stream.It is very difficult I agree,right now the only thing that is stopping me from leaving is ,

(1)he has not physically abused me.

(2)I love him a lot.

This is no easy decision for me to make,and,I have notice it is no EASY decision for NO one to make,everyone on these forums are rocking in the same boat in similarity circumstances.

Don't go to the "family picnic" if you think there will be trouble.Sounds very uncomfortable for you.If you say that you haven't been there in ten- plus years or so, then you don't need to go now.Stay away from the things that makes you feel uncomfortable,especially if you think that he would abandon you at the "family picnic".It sounds like these people are very difficult people to deal with,In laws are NOT easy to deal with,not all,but,most of them,be careful,tell him you have something important to do on that day and you would try and make it and then don't show up.

STAY AWAY FROM people that would hurt you,you! are not obligated to do anything that is not suitable for you.

good luck

lovehurts.

REPLY

The sad part about the picnic, is  that this would be the first picnic since the diagnosis and the medication.  I was really hoping to get there.  I have reservation, obviously, and appreciate what you are saying.

I am a Mom of twins from New Jersey, thus my "name" here on the site.  I think what happened was you misread one of my posts, thinking I was writing it as a guy.  It's all good.  But I am a 48 year old woman, who met hubby in high school, thus knowing him for 34 years.  We have been married 25 years and have 18 year old boy/girl twins, who will BOTH be leaving for college at Summers end :(

I think NOT making any permanent decisions, has been the easiest decision to make.  As I agree, it's really good one day/week and then bad the next.  Mine has never physically abused me either.  I have always been in control of the monies, so we have NO issues there, though GOD knows we would have.  I obviously love him too.  No need to put up with all this kind of lifestyle if I don't.  I just am so tired of living this way, and although we did have a wonderful "honeymoon period" when he first went on his medication, the medication isn't enough.  It's not going to get any better. I will live on eggshells for the rest of my life.  I will enjoy the good, and just wait for the bad days, as I know they will come.  I will also continuously have to make his life exciting and enticing and fun, and stroke the ADHD male ego as much as humanly possible, knowing FULL WELL, that I will never be the center of anyones universe, or even anyone special for that matter.  That.hurts.alot.