So ok, I have ADHD - not too bad, but still. I know that I start and don't finish, I skip around subjects, etc. And at some point, love isn't enough to save you.
1 thing - not sharing the load with housework. Sure, I understand that in principal. We both live here, there are 2 children (10 & 6), and there's plenty to be done.
This AM, I unload the dishwasher, and I put all the stuff away - regular stuff. My wife (not ADHD) comes in later, loses a rack behind the oven storage drawer (it just slid behind, not a big deal) and rather than asking for help, loses her temper. So I come in, I retrieve it, and she's still seething. "What's wrong?" I ask calmly.
"YOU PUT EVERYTHING BACK WRONG!!" Holy cow. at 7 am,we have to do this?
"IT WOULD BE EASIER IF YOU NEVER DID HOUSEWORK SO I WOULDN'T HAVE TO RE-DO IT!" Uh, I thought me not doing housework was a problem?
With a little more digging, I discover that I put the mugs in front, not behind the glasses, a glass mug on the wrong shelf, and a teacup in the wrong cabinet altogether.
And yes, I know I've been living in this house with that same stuff for 10 years, and I should have known, but, c'mon, it's a teacup. Must we?
I think the real issue isn't "You're not helping" but instead "You're not doing all things MY way".
On the other hand, perhaps this is just the problem - that any two people who live together, one with and one without ADHD, are going to have different ways of doing things. But if that's the case, why internalize the difference and turn it to anger & frustration?
Someone tell me I'm wrong - and why? I mean, I'm sure I'm wrong; I'm told that all the time. But why?