I'l bet that got your attention. lol I've been dealing with this topic for well, most of my life since I was raised by one. I have said enough of this subject before so there is no need to fo over the same ground here. What I did think might be useful to many of the spouses who come here asking this question, I thought I would share something that has taken me a long time to figure out. This came about after several, painful relationships with women (in this case) who had varying degrees of Narcissistic personality traits and one full blown ASPD/BPD who wins as far as my own personal experience ( no need to revisit this one either...scary OMFG!)
So in my T office after this brief but very damaging encounter ( I tried to escape but that in itself became a night mare) my T posed this question to me and saying "well it's good that you can see this in other people now but more importantly....do you see why you became involved with these people in the first place." That's the most important part and the hardest one to face since it only involves you. You cannot blame anyone else for your choices yet......God Damned Narcs can be so decievingly convincing sometimes.....especially the covert ones (and especially if they are smart) Covert Narcs in my opinion are much more scary and potentially dangerous (or damaging) than your full blown over confident, arrogant entitled malignant Narcissist. They don't scare me much and are pretty easy to spot...then again, this was the type that I grew up with and was use too. This aspect does make it easier for you to forgive yourself at the very least. Unless you are a self proclaimed masochist.....most people (including myself) don't seek this kind of thing out with that intention. Eventually.....you do start to catch on however.....they can't keep the ruse up indefinitely.
The point of bringing this up was from what I learned as the rest of the answer to my T's question. I was groomed for being with a Narc by being raised by a Narc. I am (without being very careful and aware) the perfect combination of personality traits and maladaptive default strategies left over from this kind of abuse that a Narc has their radar on alert to seek out. I thought about this thinking " great.....I had a target pinned to my back and didn't even know." This still pisses me off at times thinking about but.....it's something that I have learned over time to let go of and learn how to take the target off at the same time.
So, if you are wondering about this yourself (ADHD or Narcissism?)....the first question should be.....am I a target or not? Am I the perfect person for a Narcissist and someone that Narcissist would look for or want to be with.
If the answer is no....then it's probably just ADHD ( obliviously inconsiderate at times and naively self absorbed without realizing it half the time.....I resemble that statement but try very hard at this point and time not to be as much as possible....awareness is a big advantage in this process:)
But if the answer is yes.......then you are narcissistic food in some way. How do you know? Read and learn as much as possible about his yourself and find out exactly what Narcissists need to be able to be in a relationship with you. It's not a fun process I can attest to that but.....you will learn a lot about yourself if you can grin and bear your way through.
I found a series on this subject on Youtube from an Aussie dude I really like. He's a life coach (I think that's what he calls himself?)...anyway.....he has some good no nonsense videos that address this topic straight up and I linked one of the ones that I think is a good start to see if you qualify as Narcissistic food.
here's the link https://youtu.be/mPmv9_UYpxo
In my thinking here.....even if you are this type of person it still doesn't mean your spouse is a Narc but.....if you aren't a person who would be a good fit for a Narc in the first place, at least it will be easier to eliminate the possibility that the problem you are having are related to more than mostly ADHD itself.