I was in a committed realtionship for two years to the most amazing individual i have ever met she was smart funny beautiful caring everything i wanted in a partner. one wednesday (78 days ago) i came home and found her bags packed :-( i was a mess! yes we were having problems but i didnt think they where this big... she told me she was just burnt out and that she still loved me but just couldnt see a future with me i was/am heartbroken here is the women i was planning to marry saying we didnt have a future. she says it was because of my controlling and codependent behaviour. At this stage my adhd was undetected for some 25 years i am self diagnosed and now backed up by a psychiatrist i am on ritalin la 10mg 3x a day an i can now see so clearly!
Ok here i go the back ground i was cheated on when i was 17 (we where together for 3 years) by the only other person i have ever loved when she was supposed to be at work or just out with friends. i was single for nearly 6 years before i met my most recent ex (i dont like settling) things where amazing in the begging we would do everything together. But one night into the relationship $ months) she stayed a male friends after a birthday party (her ex also stayed) and something just snapped in me (like it was happening again) i am a naturally jealous person not to excess (i dont think). and from that moment on i kept ruminating around the fact that is she looking for someone else is she going to leave me? why does she wanna go out with friends to a night club insted of spending the night with me? i began to slowly turn into a controlling codependant boyfriend :-( i knew my actions where wrong but i couldnt stop them i was being controlled by emotions i would get so anxious (to the point of vomiting when she went out with out me) this apparently got worse as the relationship went on but i was helpless i couldnt stop it let alone understand it all and so she left i am not angry at her at all she did what she had to do to protect herself (i was never abusive physically or verbally) and i am proud of her!i cant even begin to understand how hard it would be to leave the person that you are still in love with!
so my question to all of you is... was this my undiagnised ADHD (25 years) codependency or my infidelity PTSD?