Is it REALLY the ADHD that causes this?

As I read the posts of women that are frustrated, tired, and angry at having to deal with their ADHD spouse I am left wondering. Is it really ADHD that causes these things? Could it be just personality traits? Is the ADHD a diagnosis that allows the affected individual to not take responsibility for their actions?

Do women who do NOT have ADHD spouses experience the same frustrations that those of us with effected spouses do? I would say yes. How much then is due to the dx and how much is due to other factors?

Just a few days ago, I told my husband how tired I was. I asked him why I am always the one to take responsiblitiy for everything? Why do I feel so burdened and weary and why do I  feel like the only adult in the relationship?

I see that some of you have found ways of coping. Ways of working around the issues, but it seems ... indulgent to me. It is not as if my husband has a mental deficit. He is intelligent and capable. I cannot fathom why he does not want to nurture and care for his family by providing an income. He must want that. . . so what keeps him from doing it? he was diagnosed with adhd and depression both. He is not under treatment for either one. He says that the medications make him not feel himself and he does not trust therapists.

I would appreciate imput on this. Do you really believe it is the adhd that causes the symptoms?