Is it really all our fault?

I've been reading posts here and I've found myself wondering whether there is any other neurological disorder that's so acceptable to criticize as ADD/ADHD. I am considering leaving my husband after a year of marriage due to the ongoing decay of my sense of self-worth fostered by our relationship. His attitudes are very similar to those expressed in the book "The ADHD Effect on Marriage," in that his words and actions suggest that the negative characteristics related to my ADD (forgetfulness, time management issues, procrastination), are the result of a character flaw and make me a very inadequate wife.  I've read some of the posts here and it seems that there's a lot of agreement about this. In some posts I find passing nods to ownership over some part of the issues in marriages between people with ADD/ADHD and without it, but I feel that the ownership is taken very lightly. Statements such as, "I know I'm very critical of my partner..." or, "My partner feels as if I constantly criticize and make negative statements toward him/her," followed by the word "but," suggest that criticizing and verbally attacking a partner is understandable given how poorly the partner lives up to expectations.  Yes, I have been known to drive off with the coffee still on the roof of my car. Yes, I tend to run about ten minutes late, although I am trying to correct this. Yes, when the front door lock started to malfunction it took me a month to consistently remember to first push the door in again, then pull it out, to check to see if it engaged. I have been opening and closing doors for 39 years in one way, and I don't easily learn new behaviors once a routine has set in. Yes I am sloppier than my partner and I have been known to put his keys in my pocket (just like I do with my own) after he gives them to me rather than putting them on his desk as he would prefer. I am also kind, non-judgmental about just about anything but his criticism of me, a high earner, creative, and extremely affectionate. I believe in harmony and try to go along to get along. I left a corporate  job with high prestige and salary to pursues a career in a helping profession because I wanted to do good in the world. I pay my own student loans and half of all bills and I never ask my husband for help. Nonetheless, we are in constant conflict. I once counted: he criticized me 17 times in one day. The recommended number of positive to negative interactions to maintain a healthy relationship is something like 5 positives for every 1 negative.  We're obviously nowhere close to that. My husband is not an abusive or cruel person. He's a tremendously organized, somewhat low-empathy person who values efficiency over most other qualities.  We may be an extreme, but I wonder if most people who post about their ADD/ADHD's spouse's bad qualities are so different. Do you give your spouse positive feedback to counteract the attacks you  make on his or her character? Do you have any respect for his or her good qualities? Have you wondered if maybe there's no love in your marriage not only because your spouse is disorganized, forgetful, sloppy, etc., but because no one can love someone who treats them like they're worthless? John Gottman, the most respected