Married for 39 years to someone who was diagnosed years ago, tried medication, but was not convinced it was for him. He has managed to be fairly successful in his business, but finances have always been a topic we could not discuss since he felt I was overly concerned about budgeting and planning for future. His idea of a budget is to "make more money" to pay the bills.
He has now maxed out our Equity Line to pay for business expenses that are out of control, and is only paying somewhat over minimum each month to pay it off. This has put me in a situation that we are unable to save or even plan for a vacation or retirement. His business expenses are not controlled in any manner, and whenever I try to set up a time convenient to him to discuss finances, something always comes up in his schedule to push the meeting off. We were to have a meeting today (scheduled a month ago), but he is too stressed and busy with work to even discuss it with me. I feel it does not even matter to him.
It is apparent we will NEVER be able to discuss finances. How do I plan for "my future" without him? I make a decent salary, and could live comfortably on my own, but resent that he has just given up on the relationship and chooses to put his clients and work before all else.
I am going back to our counselor next week. I need help in navigating a way forward. Every time I even try to speak to him, he accuses me of being critical. I am beginning to feel as if i AM the problem when I know it is both of us, but he refuses to accept responsibility (stating it is just all of the work stress he is under that makes him act this way).
How much longer to I wait for him to get his act together? We have discussed treatment but he feels he just needs to "try harder" - thus far that has not worked. I feel as if I am being tortured for wanting simple things like being able to pay the bills without worrying if we will have enough to do so the following month (he considers that paranoia). The only savings we have is because I put some of my paycheck aside. Last vacation was in 2005, and he is not interested in even scheduling anything. I am beginning to think I am depressed because I just do not see any way out of this situation except leaving. I do love him, but his behavior is killing me.