I have been diagnosed with ADD. My wife was the one who discovered the common relation of my symptoms and ADD. She was very supportive in the beginning but I was less accepting. I knew I had ADD, there was no question. I suffer from all the classic symptoms such as procrastination, loss of memory, uncompleted tasks, finacial incompetency. I've been on a list of medications but none have had an effect. I sought a Psychiatrist but that became a "Pill Pushing" extravaganza. I keep thinking I can deal with this myself but it has not gone well.
I have been more accepting than ever in the past 6 months (finally reading that 2 year old copy of "Delivered from Distraction"). I have tried to work on improving, but my wife has now moved in a different direction. She is not supportive any longer. She feels I have not done a thing. My procrastination to seek help and improvement as left her frustrated with me. Now anything I do related to my ADD (or not) is met with ridicule and scorn. I here things like "You're such an idiot" or "You can't get anything right, I hate you!". I understand she is frustrated. When I tell her she is being hurtful she replys with "how do you think I feel, I've been dealing with your sorry self for 16 years!" I now feel as if I am walking on thin ice. I'm afraid to say anything in fear of an argument. On the other hand saying nothing does not help either.
When I look back on our marriage, this is nothing new. Almost from the beginning of our marriage my ADD must have played a role. Anytime I spoke, my thoughts or ideas were put down. Any task I performed was met with, "Why did you do it that way?" or "This isn't right at all what's the matter with you!" This has made me go into seclusion within myself (if that makes sense). I'm not open at home. I'm silent, expressionless. It has made me less in touch with my children too. I am never sure what I should say or do with them. I find myself missing the boat so to speak. Another day goes by and I didn't help my daughters with there trumpet music. I didn't help my daughter with her track aspirations. I didn't help my daughter with her project that's due in days. Then I'm told things like "You are useless, I can do a lot better without you"
My fear is I'm too late in turning things around. I find it difficult to even think of a direction to go. I've asked my wife if she would go to counseling with me. She believes she does not need it. The problem is mine and if any one should go to counseling it's me. I feel I'm being made a spectacle to my kids as well. Contantly being ridiculed and belittled in front of them must have them losing confidence in me as a dad. The sad part about all this is deep inside I am an outgoing, loving person. I have always been the one people would say, "Wow, what a great guy, he's so funny, how does he do that!". I am an artist and love to play music on top of a myriad of many other interests. All of this has gone, it's very dark now.
I don't have the finances to try another medication or speak with a psychologist. I know the things I have to do and find them visable but untouchable.
My question...Is it too late to save my marriage?