is it worth it?

Ok so after 17 years....2 kids, abuse (drug, physicsl,emotional) nfidelity,2 mental breakdowns, a adhd son who is getting worse by the minute because of dads untreated adhd, childhood issues and dysfunctional family,,,,i have been asking myself lately.....is this worth it? I have been to hell and back on several occasions and i cant say for even a second any of it was worth it. For the exception of my kids nothing good has come out of this marriage...not one..why oh why did i do this? Why did i stay so long.? Why did i let things go so far....why did i expose my kids to this life? Its all my fault.....i thought i could fix it..i thought i could make it better....i made nothing better...i thought i was helping him ...but i just been his co dependant and he has taken my kindness for weakness and drained the life out of me,,,,im stuck in a marriage of no choice at this point, with a man who is a liability more than anything else.....cant count on him for anything, he is my 3rd kid and i hate him for it. He wants to change but he just doesnt know what to do,,,,,BULLSH*T.......adhd or not i feel everyonr can make s choice if they want better......im so bitter, resentful, hurt and just want to run and not look back.......i dont wish this on anyone......sorry for rambling but i really needed to vent...no one knows my true life i suffer in silence....

I hear you and echo the exact

I hear you and echo the exact same feelings and thoughts.  Sorry you did not get what you worked so hard for.  Life is not fair.  Everyone has or will get their "challenges" in life.  This is ours.  You are not alone.  Thanks for your frankness and trust on this post. Some of us have mellowed in our words (sometimes) on this site but you are saying it like it really is and remind us of our despondence for why we reach out and commune for support and to be heard. The kicker is that my DH really does not see what he didn't do and what I did all these years.  He just knows that today I am an unhappy malcontent. Now and not now.  His history is all distorted so there is no appreciation for all that was sacrificed and given.  Water under the bridge just like all the things he did and didn't do in the past.

Just cant sugar coat anything

Just cant sugar coat anything anymore...i did that for way too long....its Raw and sounds horrible but that is the reality of how i feel...thank you so much for listening!!

Had I known 18 years ago

Had I known 18 years ago what this life was going to be like I would never have said I DO. The man I was CRAZY in love with for a year disappeared shortly after marriage and I have been waiting for his return.  Was a year of bliss worth 17 years of frustration, other than my beautiful children, no.  I hear you..we all hear you...you are not alone...

nope

You are not alone. I am on year 4 with him and am asking myself "why?" through the tears.

I miss him so bad.  I love him.  But, I hate him.

He is my second marraige.  I echo every single item you said up there already.

We need to start a retreat for those of us in pain.  We have got to heal somehow. 

**hugs**

THANK YOU

Thank you guys so much for your support.. you truly have no idea how much your replies meant to me.. to have someone understand me is such a blessing..god bless you all...I think that would be a great idea to have a retreat or even a coffee day...anything to just be around others who share your pain.. anyone in the nj/pa/de area?

 

 

I was thinking the same thing

I was thinking the same thing this am, after a completely frustrating morning that I need to get away, without him...sorry not near there. have to make due with the virtual coffee house I guess.