It's the Chaos

Excuse me while I blather here

I've noticed that since I've moved out of the house, some of my anxiety over chaos in day to day living is disappearing.  I'm smiling more and sleeping better.


Last week my husband texted me wondering if we had any plans for Friday (we celebrate Yule)  I texted back no.  And that's the truth.   I was kind of wondering (and hoping) maybe he would invite all of us to the house for Yule but I haven't heard from him since.  I even got him a lovely little gift that would make him smile.

Last night I took my daughter to dinner for her birthday.  I got there a little early and while I waited, my son called.  (My son and his dog are living at the house with my husband and our old dog at the moment)   Most of the conversation was cheerful.  Then he mentioned that my husband had gone to his Mom's house for Christmas and my son was supposed to take care of the dogs.    I was surprised that my husband went to see his family but it's no big deal except it would be nice to have known especially since our son is not that dependable.   I should add that my son has been staying away from the house because it's so messy it makes him anxious too.  He mostly stays with a friend (but leaves his dog at the house which is upsetting to me.  No dog should be neglected like that. Both his Grandma and I have talked-very gently-about our concerns that his dog is being neglected)

Not one minute later my husband calls me telling me that he went out of town and he could not get ahold of our son to make sure the dogs were taken care of and that my husband did not want to be a part of any animal neglect etc etc etc so would I make sure all was taken care of.   So I allowed myself to sucked into drama that was not mine

Called the son back and used my Mommy Voice to get information from him.  Evidently those two dogs had been cooped up in the house for over 24 hours.   I'm livid.  It's not the epic mess I'm sure they caused.   It's not that my husband went out of town without telling me .  It's that 2 living creatures who are dependent on humans have been neglected.  I would have gone over myself to take care of them however the son's dog is a pit and doesn't know me well.   

I can't even parse this out.   My son, who has crossed so many lines with me to the point where I practically disowned him, has once again done something that crosses ethical lines for me.  One does NOT neglect one's dogs   Period.......   No excuses....   end of story..... don't ask again.

My husband, instead of letting me know his plans, went away willy, nilly and while he was gone,suddenly expected me to solve a problem.

And 2 dogs suffer....... 

Tonight I'm suppose to meet with my children for a lovely evening on Christmas Eve.   My reactive self (that has been triggered) wants to call my son and tell him not to come-ever.  I'm done.  

I want to tell my husband that he is an idiot for setting up this problem but of course I'm only supposed to be kind because of his fragile ADHD ego.  (who thinks that crap up?) 

And on top of all this, my daughter (who is really mature and getting her life together) did not even get a phone call from her dad for her birthday.   And I bet you a quarter that if I asked him about it he would say (with massive petulant tone)  "Well, SHE didn't call ME on MY birthday!"


And after my daughter arrived for dinner, I had to put on my cheerful face because that's what a Mom does.

Life with ADHDers sucks.