Jaded by a Former ADHD Partner

It's been a while since I've posted on this site, as I'm no longer dating someone with ADHD. It took me months to figure out that I couldn't handle all the struggles that came with that relationship, but I finally ended that unhealthy relationship and haven't looked back nor communicated with my ex.

I have just recently starting dating someone new, and I have a hard time believing this person is even real! The level of care, attention, and stability is so much greater than I could have imagined. I feel extremely happy - for the first time in years - and feel as though I might have met my match. He is calm, patient, and extremely mature - all qualities I've been looking for. 

However, there is this nagging in me that I can't stop. While I know this new man does not have ADD/ADHD, I feel as though experience has led me to believe that all men I date will have it. I know this is not the case, but I can't stop thinking in my head: "Is this a hyperfocus stage?" even though this man shows no signs or symptoms of ADD/ADHD. On occasion, he seems distracted, and I immediately think back to my ex. But this level of distraction is just typical for any human, I'm pretty sure. 

I know this sounds like I am worrying over nothing, but I can't help but feel jaded by my ADHD ex. I was so mistreated - and for so long - that being treated well feels almost foreign. I can't help but think that I am getting duped or tricked again. I guess he had much more of an effect on me (and my sanity and self worth) than I ever imagined. 

How can I stop thinking that every guy I meet will have ADHD? Does this way of thinking sound crazy?

It's not crazy. Any unhealthy

It's not crazy. Any unhealthy relationship, with a ADHD partner or no, is bound to have lingering after effects. Perhaps you should seek counseling? Nothing intensive but talking out some of your struggles so that they won't taint what sounds like a good and functional relationship may be very helpful. I'm glad that you are happy and have found someone who loves and respects you.

Best of luck!

Take your time

Don't total ignore that nagging little feeling. Women especially tend to gravitate to the same kinds of partners. Just give yourself plenty of time before you get bowled over, read about red warning flags, and keep your eyes and ears wide open!!! Ask friends, family, and exes about him if possible. Then you will have good reasons not based on "love" to make your decision and you should be more able to forget your bad experience.

You are in luck! Fortunately

You are in luck! Fortunately for you only about 4.5% or so of us are ADHD.

So your chances of accidentally stumbling onto another is reasonably low, though it is the case that some people do in fact win the lottery twice or to chose a more apt analogy get struck by lightening twice.  Some it would seem *more* than twice,  and some of us seem to just attract lightening. 

All that said you can't live your life in fear of meeting another of us.  Just thank your lucky stars you don't have to live with it, and you can enjoy all the good stuff  life has to offer.  

Statistically you are nearly as likely to encounter a psychopath at 2-3 %,  or BPD at 3.5%,  or Bipolar at 4%, and slightly less chance of a schizophrenic at 2%.  

If you have none of these things then.......u got it easy,  be thankful.