There he was agian, for the tenth time in our four year marriage, standing in the door a box under his arm, with a fearful expression on his face...I knew what he was about to say. At that moment I remained calmed gave him a hug and told him every thing would be ok...it's just a job, you'll find another, like before.
That was Good Friday, today is Monday, and Im not standing so strong any more. I am afraid how are we going to pay for every thing. He was fired so he will not recieve a lay off package, he only has a 2 week pay check coming, and we live pay check to pay check. I am out of commission because I broke two ribs in a car accident (he was driving) 5 weeks ago. I know he will find another job and I know my ribs will heal and I'll be back to work...but I fear the future. Is this what Im to expect for the rest of our lives? All ways wondering when the shoe will drop.This last job was a very good one, It was his "fit" doing what he loved. What happend...I thought thats all he needed, was a good fit. Will his adhd always put us in the unemployment line?
I wouldnt be so up set... but this is the tenth job. Out of the ten, one was a true layoff and another he quit, but the rest he got fired. Bills go unpayed, he wont let me assume the role of the bill payer in our home, even though I have a better bill paying history then himself. He continues to purchase things that we dont need, he gets traffic tickets all the time. When we married 4 years ago, we made ajoint account at the bank like most couples, there was an over draft for us to use ,I did not touch it. Then one day out of the blue the bank calls me and asks when I intend to repay all the money that was taken out. My husband took out all the money, to this day I dont know what he used the money for,he says just to live on. The repayment of the overdraft fell into my hands because my signiture was the first on the bank contract, that made me liable, even though he took it! Thus far he has only payed me back a portion of it because hes always out of work.
The stress in our home is so high. I'm fustrated most of the time, angry the rest. My family and friends wont come over any more because he says whatever comes to his head, most times its a put down of some kind . He says he doesnt mean to say things that up set folks. I feel alone.He dosent make love to me any more, hes lost about 15-20 pounds since hes been on the drugs.(first Adarall then Concerta) He loses at lest one impotrant thing a day,walet, keys, money, tax returns....
Before we married I had a good strong, stable life. I work hard to get it this way. After going through a difficult divorce the first time,I spent 10 years getting my head on straight in therapy, single mom counseling, I went back to school ect...,in that time I bought houses, a car, worked... never getting fired,payed my bills on time and did this all being a single mom. Now my life seems to have turned upside down, I feel out of control. Please dont think I dont love him, I do I feel bad about his condition, and want to be there for him but when will things stablize when does the joy come and the stress stop...some time I just want to leave and get back the peace I used to have.
We have been to marriage counsling, three diffrent ones they dont work because the adhd is not adressed, where we live there is no such therapy. There is cousling for just him and his adhd, and he has a Dr. that sees his once in awhile and gets his meds. Ive thought about a life coach, I dont know if there is one out there that know's how to work with the special problems that adult adhd brings,and my mounting anger. and of course there is no money...so we have to wait.