My ADHD husband and I have had a particularly bad two years, but now we are at the point where he is in therapy and on ADD meds. He is becoming easier to live with and his depression and anger are somewhat regulated. These were my top requirements for staying together, and the progress came after I told him I was done. The last requirement was getting a job. He hasn't contributed income in the 8 years we've been married, and has "freelanced". He also never in the past was much help with the household stuff or the kids. He just spins his wheels and is very busy, but for no real purpose.
In the past year, however, and especially the last three months since I said I was leaving at the end of the school year, he has been consistently doing the dishes and the laundry and paying attention to the children. Is a job too much to ask? He has no idea how to go about getting one, and even with his therapist's help and Adderall, he won't focus on it. His list of things he wants or is willing to do is small, and he complains about everything and jumps right to the negative. One job prospect fell in his lap a few months ago, and he pursued it wholeheartedly, but the process dragged on until last week and he didn't get it. He didn't put any visible effort into looking for anything else during that time period. Now he has no active plan for looking, other than following up on the listings I send him (while being angry that I do that). I feel like a job -- and a positive attitude about it -- are indicative of him making some progress in his life, and of his being able to be lived with. If he's just going to continue to bark and whine about it, blame for for pushing him, and never actually do it, then where have we gotten, actually? Therapy and medication were for the purpose of transforming him into a functional, cooperative purpose who could be a participant in our family life and share some of the burden I've been carrying. If that's not in the cards, I don't want to continue to compensate for his deficits.
Anyone else have an ADHD spouse who does not/will not work?