Not sure where to start - I will have been married for 24 years this year and feel like my eyes have been opened and that my marriage has been a lie, nothing. I have poured everything I can into this and have nothing left - I am crushed and exhausted. 2 weeks ago he came home and said I think I have ADD - and after looking at the signs and googling he seems to tick virtually every box - I feel like the bottom has fallen out of my world.
My husband has always worked for himself and we have a business that has kept our heads just above the parapet for 20 years but he has never been able to push himself enough to raise us up a little bit higher he has always been too busy with the "day to days" as he puts it to look at the bigger picture. He is now 54 and 5 years ago the business failed due to bad debts - we managed to reinvent ourselves and keep going but we are coming to the end of the lease and I cannot keep going any more. He has been on courses and has great ideas but then does nothing with them, I have nagged, encouraged, cajouled, and begged. I am broken inside because I cannot see why he would not fight for us, why he does not want to make things better. All he looks at is what other people are doing / have got and is bitter and angry.
I have worked with him for the last 18 years while bringing up our children as well - I am looking at myself now and cannot believe that I always put myself second and did not see his lies and pretence for what they are. I found this site when I googled "is there hope in an ADD marriage" but at the moment I cannot see that there is. I cannot believe that I have just kept trying harder, blaming myself, working longer hours; I feel like I do everything and yet have nothing. Virtually no savings, no pension, a house with 10 years of mortgage left to pay and no idea of how to get out of this. I am not sure I can even stay married - to give away another 10 years of my life and end up in the same place. I always believed he was going to do the things that he said he would but I just don't believe in him anymore.
I ordered "Delivered from Distraction" - he read the screening test - and has done nothing since - I am reading it now. He does not want to get a diagnosis and does not seem to want to get help - he certainly won't take medication. I have been making him go for a walk every morning and am trying to improve his diet but it all feels a bit pointless. Another 2 week diet / phase / idea that he will not commit to. When I ask what he wants to do - what his dream is - he does not know - he says he cannot see the future and just asks me what I want to do.
Is there any hope? We are in the UK and I am struggling to find any UK support for adults or their partners.
Sorry to dump on you virtual people - but I haven't managed to get my head round this enough to speak to my friends about what is actually going on in our marriage.