Well , this explains a ton to me. At least I know now I don't have Alzheimer with all the things I forget I said or did. I'm not one to lose things as much as to forget what I said or did in the past. But guess what? My guy who I've lived with for the past 8 years never forgets anything I've said and trust me ends up to be the root of many of our disagreements. He remembers my words verbatim. All I remember is how I felt at the time which never wins the argument. Its the words that win that I can never remember.
Anyhow, glad I found this place and hopefully I can invite my partner to join in to and learn more about ADHD. He's never been diagnosed professionally like me but he has many of the symptoms of ADD himself, not that he has it.
6 months ago, he came to me wanting to get a separation because he felt I was argumentative and lacked in intimacy. I didn't know there was a thing wrong and was happy as could be and now I'm a mess. We've been to 2 marriage counselors (on our third now) plus individual counseling. I've tried cipralex, remeron and effexor anti-pressants but none worked and made me more hyper. That is when I I finally went to a psychiatrist who said to go off all meds for awhile and thank goodness as I feel more in control of myself now again.
Anyhow, I'm here, looking for support like most others are.
As for business, I'm a very successful in that area and love to work. But in this romantic relationship I seem to suck and can't seem to fix it.
I will enjoy reading the other posts to see how others are coping and I am going to start reading tonight...
just been diagnosed
Submitted by freedom11 on
Mariet, my I am a 36 year old man who has a beautiful wife and two wonderful kids(7&5) and my wife and I have been married for 9 years. She was finally diagnosed with adhd in november of 2010 after many years of us spiriling downhill and out of control. I found this site in a desperate attempt to save my family from certain disaster in november when we were on the brink of divorce and I had been on a several year quest to find out what our underlying problem was. I know exactly what you are going through because we have been through the rollercoaster of emotions stemming from our "aha" moment in Nov. I am telling you right now this site is an excellent resource and really the only one of its kind for people like us who are confused and know there are answers out there. BUT if you want to be successful you have to educate yourself and your guy as too what is expected in the cycle that follows diagnoses. I wish someone had told me this 6 months ago so I'm going to tell you now. FIND A LOCAL SPECIALIST that is experienced in adhd and get your guy to go as well so he can vent his anger and frustrations to someone because being a guy I know we are usually reluctant to speak to anyone about our problems and we keep things bottled up inside. Only professional help will work from right now going forward if you want to be successful. there also many books you can get for you and him that will help understand what you have been through. Right now My son is struggling in first grade who also has ADHD and 6 months after diagnosis two weeks ago there we were again, on the brink of divorce. We have started down a road now that I believe will lead us to ultimate happiness. The only way to live the life you want is to get your guy that probably loves you very much to not just accept adhd you have to get him to understand IT IS NOT A HANDICAP!! It can be unbelievably frustrating when it is undiagnosed. You will waiver on the spectrum of emotions from relief to shame to exaustion. But the real kicker is you have to believe in yourself and be able to be aware of your difficulties and ask for help when needed without the shame. Only when you convince yourself you are a diamond in the rough and your spouse believes this as well can you truely be happy. ADHD women especially are more creative and caring than us mechanical minded non ADHD people could ever be. THat is probably what attracted you together in the first place. As for everybody else that posts on this site. I know it is good to vent feelings but if you truely want to find your zen, take the effort you are putting into complaining about your spouse and together commit to keeping advise STRICTLY PROFESSIONAL!! Then i suspect i will start seeing more success stories on here rather than stories that take hope away. Ladies if you have ADHD I would recommend a book that is currently helping my wife and I figure out what we have to do. "WOMEN WITH ADHD by SARI SOLDEN" it is a good not to take away from Melissa orlov or Dr. Hallowells books, because they are required reading as well. this is just the book that is helping us right now. So stop typing and start reading! Good luck Everybody! There is HOPE!!!!!