just discovered my husband has ADD

Hi everyone,

just like most people in this section of the forum, I just discovered that my husband (we just got married a month ago) has ADD. We were going through a lot of issues, (we went out 4 years ago and it was too chaotic so we broke it off but decided to give it a try again, last fall.) and he always blamed all of his problems on the traumatic events of his childhood. (his mother was a disruptive alcoholic and both parents died  when he was 13 years old.)


When I finally moved in, several months ago, the house was a mess, he had so many debts everywhere, and was jobless. everything was blamed on the depression because of the loss of his job, but as months went by, I came to realize there was something definitely wrong.  We agreed before the wedding to see a therapist to help us deal with our relationship issues, as I was on the verge of breaking the whole thing up, but the therapist attention was on his daughter, who was dealing with a lot as well, and he was more concern about her emotionnal safety than our relationship.

I had thoughts before about him possibly having ADD, but I shrugged it off, assuming it was all about depression, but when the therapist brought it up as a possibility,  I decided to look into it and was shocked to discover just how ADD he really is. He still is in denial about it, and he refuse to go and see a psychiatrist for testing.

I cry every day hoping that we could have just a normal relationship, that he could just 'pay attention' to what I am saying and actually get it right once in a while. they (him and his daughter) have been back into my life for less than 6 months, and I am already physically and emotionally drained. Again this morning we had a discussion where he simply did not understand why I am so angry at him.  Yesterday I had to remind him 4 times that I had two school finals to submit before midnight and didnt have time to go and socialize with 'A', 'B' or go BBQing with his daughter by some friends.  He doesnt understand that the average person doesn't have static in their head or background noise. He truly assumes that everyone around him has that, and they just learned to better turn it down than him. He goes to the restaurant and buys all these silly things instead of paying the bills, never 'hears' what I am saying, constantly interrupts me and is so filled with anger and frustration.


Yesterday after going through 3 'misunderstandings' in less than 2 hours, something inside of me simply broke.  Had I known before hand, I would have never married him.  The hurt and pain is simply so high, it is destroying me.  I told him yesterday that he takes every single bit of my energy. I have nothing left for myself, 'our' daughter or my school.  I am always so drained and am becoming more and more depressed. he knew this morning that I was still upset, and he apologized for showing anger last night but still didnt get why I was so hurt or upset. he never does. Doesnt even remember, its not part of his wiring. I can repeat myself until I turn blue, it still wont stay in more than 5 minutes. the only thing he understands is my non verbal language.

I am seriously considering leaving him, I can not see myself living my life in such a way. I used to love him so much, but now, all this love is turning into hatred and despise. this is not who I am, and it scares me. I simply dont know what to do anymore. I see how much he is hurting to see me hurting, but I just dont see how things can turn for the better while staying with him without destroying the both of us (and his daughter) in  the long run. He knows that I am hurt and is trying to shower me with words of appreciation and grattitude, but all I want is to be able to talk and have a normal conversation with him, be treated like I have in the past, in normal, stable relationships.  I am hurting so much, I am so tired of it all.