I just found out two days ago that I'm pregnant, and although it is something I thought I wanted desperately, my first reaction was actually to freak out at the prospect of having a child with someone whom I feel is so ego-centric that I can't trust him to give me the attention I need at this time.
My partner was diagnosed with ADHD when he was a teenager, and has been on and off meds throughout his life. I actually prefer him when he's not on meds because that tell-tale ADHD "sparkle" disappears when he takes meds. However, I'm very aware that I can't have my cake and eat it. He is a wonderful person, with an enormous amount of energy, a great capacity to handle chaos (which I lack), boundless amounts of affection and a generally cheerful persona.
The problems in our relationship arise because he doesn't read emotional "cues" at all. He is never "there" for me unless I tell him to be, which makes me feel desperate and like I'm begging. Almost all of our conversations revolve around things he wants to talk about - usually himself. In recent years I've become quite short with him because of this lack of sensitivity to my needs. It makes me feel very distant and like there is little or no intimacy between us.
Having a child with someone with whom I do not feel intimate is a very scary prospect. I am seriously considering terminating the pregnancy - not only because of these ADD-related issues but also because he will be in school for another 3 years and I am the sole money-earner. He would rather I terminated the pregnancy at this point also as he feels he will be unable to cope with nursing school AND a new born baby, and he would like to be able to contribute financially.
So my dilemma is this: On the one hand I want to have a child for myself - I'm 35, a school teacher, and very ready in myself for this next stage of my life. On the other hand we already have big problems in our relationship and I'm terrified that bringing a child into the middle of it would a very bad idea for everyone. But I feel SO resentful that something I want to so badly has to be sacrificed yet again to accommodate his issues. Just for once, I want to have something for myself, and I want him to understand that I need him to accommodate ME and my needs, instead of me always accommodating his.
I'm not posting here to try to get advice about whether or not to terminate the pregnancy - that is obviously a very contentious issue for many people.
But I am asking for any advice on how to feel less resentful, how to create a relationship in which I don't feel as though I'm making all the sacrifices (which go unnoticed), and how to find real intimacy and connection with my partner.
Thanks in advance - and sorry for sounding whiny :)