Just getting started after 24 years

I don't know where to start... I have so many emotions, thoughts, questions... I can't believe I have been married to my husband for 24 years and know just seriously considered  that what we have experienced through our marriage, but even more importantly what he has experienced himself is ADHD. So much of it makes sense and I feel blindsided, cheated, relieved, regretful ,etc. all at once. He hasn't been diagnosed yet but the experiences described in this site and the book ( the ADHD effect on marriage, which I purchased and am reading) are too close for comfort. We have laughed for years about his "shiny object syndrome" but never realized that this is so much more than that. It is a miracle that three kids later and both of us being bi-vocational ministers that we are still surviving in a happy marriage.  We truly love each other and I can only say that we have applied 1 Corinthians 13 to our lifestyle everyday. That's how I know we have survived. But I am hungry to find out more and and how we can go beyond the walls we have constantly bumped up against seemingly holding us back in many areas. I want to learn more about how he thinks and about how I react, which then makes him react.  I am grateful for this path to knowledge.

Great to hear from a happy marriage

Thank you for posting that you while there have been difficulties that you still consider yours to be solid.  Would love to hear how you managed.

Rosber's picture

I am sorry for what you have

I am sorry for what you have had to endure. My wife has gone through the same and I am sorry for what I put her through. My wake up moment was when I came to this website last month after my wife emailed me a link about forgiving your spouse with adhd.

Reading all the posts from non adhd spouses made me so upset at myself for what my wife had to endure from me all these years. Then I got angry at my doctors for not laying out the proper treatment for me. Then I came to the realization that it was me who caused myself to not get the proper treatment for my ADHD. I should have read books on the matter after I was diagnosed. So I accept that I am to blame and now I am moving forward with the tools I need to be healthy for myself and my family.

I hope you come up with a way to get your husband to see what you see. If you could get him to read some of the book or even read some of the posts here, he may see what I saw... myself over and over.

I hope your path leads to a strong and happy future!