just got married...

Hi! First, I want to say how relieved I am to have found this website. I had an argument with my husband last night and I had googled "husband never correctly remembers arguments" and I happened across this site. I am very relieved I am not alone in this or just imagiining things... Some background: we met 2 and a half years ago, and got married last month. He's 28, I'm 30. He was diagnosed with ADD as a child and took ritalin and adderall at various points then. He says they helped somewhat but had other personality side effects he doesn't like. He won't go in now because basiically we have no insurance and don't have the money to have him be taking anything. I make pretty modest money but modest as it is, it's still twice what he makes as a busser working less than 25 hours a week. He's been there a year and a half and during that entire time I've been carefully trying to encourage him to find something better so we can keep up with our bills, which are numerous. We live in a very large city with easy access to 24 hour a day public transportation and lots of jobs. He has great employment history and is very intelligent and capable. But he won't apply for anything. He comes home and complains about how busy he is and the stress and then goes off and does his projects in the basement for hours. Every time he says he's going to buckle down and apply for jobs, I come home after my 12 hour shift and he has tons of internet articles he wants me to read but the laundry isn't done, he hasn't made anything for us to eat, he hasn't even thought about job things and the house is a mess. He complains about picking up after our roommate while being oblivious I'm following right behind him picking up his tornado of destruction. He makes sandwiches and wanders off, forgetting to put everything away. He leaves food in pans on the stove for days. I came home yesterday and there was a box on the counter with a melted popsicle in it. He can't stick to putting his dirty clothes in one of 2 hampers I bought because I wanted to make it easier for him. I'm just super, super tired of having to pay all the bills while he can barely handle working 2-4 hours a day and making college student level beer money income. I told him we need insurance. He just gets upset and acts helpless, like there's nothing he can do to change his situation. And when he *does* actually talk about finding other work, it's stuff like "I can build model guns from video games for extra cash" or "I can pick up another 2-3 hour shift at work". We're paying off lots of student loans (his are crazy high interest private unsubsidized loans because he wasn't paying any attention to what he was signing). He has no concept of money and never checks outr bank account. When I tell him we need to stick to a budget, his answer is to starve himself because "we're too broke for me to eat" which is not even close to true. His answers to everything are so extreme ad bizarre but they are never enough to prompt him to change his situation no matter how much advice I give, do things for him outright or act supportive. Does anyone have any advice for what is good work for ADD people? I don't even know what to suggest to him for job choices. And he apparently has no idea either. He seems to tghink the two kinds of jobs are food service and factory work, which he did for years. I've tried to explain to him there are. Other sorts of jobs. He also forgets progress we've made during arguments, he just thinks everything is horrible every time we fight and that I never apologize, I try to make it sound like everything is his fault (which I don't, he's so sensitive I tiptoe around him like he's a ticking nuclear bomb). He searches for ways to make it seem like it's my fault also instead of focusing on what I'm saying and being productive. He lashes out, is easily frustrated, his ego is incredibly fragile, and his self-esteem is super low. I do the best I can but it seems like no matter how productive we are, by the time we argue again he's forgotten it all. :/