Just have 2 Vent!!!

 

I'm really going nutzo, so I just have 2 vent!!!  My husband and I have been married for 2 years.  We got married quickly, which I felt he pressured me into and now I realize he has all these problems, from the porno addiction, impulsive temper, irregular sleep pattern and loudness at night when I am trying to sleep,  to extreme messiness and lack of organization, to clumsiness and bumping into me all the time.  I have been reading about ayurvedic philosophy of life and I really miss my sense of control and balance over my life I had before being married.  I had a routine I could count on, a bed time that was regular and healthy, and a clean clutter free home full of peace and beauty.  I feel like now, even if I wanted this in my life I have to work SOOO hard at it, it takes my whole days off to get back to organized, then I have to go back to work and all hell brakes loose again until the crap is waiting for me once again for my next day off.  

We finally got into marriage counseling and the counselor agreed my husband appeared to have all the symptoms of ADHD and maybe even some Aspergers (except for the fact that he is extreemly social not introverted).  The counsellor gave us the questionares to fill out for ADHD but my husband has not gotten organized enough to fax them to his best friend in another country so our counseling is being put off because of his symptoms he is having difficulty even getting the forms done.  Also, I bought the book on this website and it was helping us SOOO much!  We would read a bit each night before bed together and laugh because we could relate so much to what was written.  My husband even started reading the book on his own and was relating and finding relief that there was something to explain why he struggles with these things his whole life.  But now guess what bingo, the book has disappeared into the abyss of clutter in our apartment...I have searched and searched for the only thing that seemed to be helping us and giving us hope but alas, no book, its gone.  I feel like it's the devil trying to destroy us because that book was the last thing helping my sanity!  Ok, so that may be a bit dramatic, but its how I feel.  I feel like if we don't get into marriage counseling soon we may be splitting up before we even get our foot in the door, because Im just going crazy.  I work 10 hr days and cant sleep the night before because my husband doesnt know the definition of quiet.  The mess takes up all my days off, I really need a maid.  Bills are carelessly placed.  To top it off he said he doesn't like sex.  I mean after 3 months into marriage he stopped having sex with me.  He just does porno (to sleep easier) he says.  He said before me he never had a relationship over 3 months and basically he could "fake" enjoying sex that long but after that he just doesn't like it.  He said its kinda like wearing the same jeans every day, you get sick of it.  He refuses to even give me a message which is all I require really to be happy.  I mean all this work for me in this marriage and all I get is "cuddling" which he says is the way he shows his love.  I'm sure it is but u know, I just feel so lonely, we have nothing in common, it is so much work, and he has no physical attraction to me I realize now.  Lord help me know what to do.  Thanks everyone for listening!!!!  

sexual frustration?

Artsygal, maybe all this anger is pent up sexual frustration? (just jokes)

I wonder, though, if the not-liking-sex thing has to do with vulnerability issues or perhaps something that happened to him?  Maybe anxiety through puberty or something?  Just throwing out ideas.  I really relate to this: "I really miss my sense of control and balance over my life I had before being married."  I felt like I was just getting my life together and flying in the direction I wanted it to when I met my ADDer.  I have gone so far backwards in this relationship I'm not even sure what the right direction is.  I don't have any good suggestions for you, but wanted to let you know that I hear ya, and I feel your pain.

  Hi Snake,   Yeah, he

 

Hi Snake,

  Yeah, he did have some stuff happen to him that was not good, so much so he doesn't really ever wanna talk about it.  But u know, many say I am so attractive for my age, I mean it makes me worried he is gay or something.  Well anyways, just another paranoid thought;)  btw, I have a maid coming over to give me an estimate!!! She only charges $17 per hr, wtf, I mean that is WORTH it when ur picking up 24 hrs a day on your day off, and working 40 hrs a week...wish me luck, and hang in there as well!

 

artsy

I had to chuckle a little

I had to chuckle a little when you said it worried you that he's gay...I had the same fears about my husband when we first met. Who doesn't have a hot, passionate sex life when you first meet? Us! That's who!

All joking aside, I feel your pain...and it is something I am having to come to terms with. I know my husband had a very hard and chaotic childhood (much of it he doesn't talk about either) and his mom and dad had a very unhealthy relationship, but I think most of the sex issues we have are directly related to his ADHD. A member, who was ADHD, posted a few weeks ago about how much she loved her husband, but about how boring sex was to her. It was like a light bulb went off in my head and something finally made sense. Now, don't get me wrong, I had to add everything up...and taking the details of our sex life and adding her comment, that is when I realized that my husband probably feels the same way she does. It is very depressing if I spend too much time thinking about it...so I try not to.