Just have 2 Vent!!!


I'm really going nutzo, so I just have 2 vent!!!  My husband and I have been married for 2 years.  We got married quickly, which I felt he pressured me into and now I realize he has all these problems, from the porno addiction, impulsive temper, irregular sleep pattern and loudness at night when I am trying to sleep,  to extreme messiness and lack of organization, to clumsiness and bumping into me all the time.  I have been reading about ayurvedic philosophy of life and I really miss my sense of control and balance over my life I had before being married.  I had a routine I could count on, a bed time that was regular and healthy, and a clean clutter free home full of peace and beauty.  I feel like now, even if I wanted this in my life I have to work SOOO hard at it, it takes my whole days off to get back to organized, then I have to go back to work and all hell brakes loose again until the crap is waiting for me once again for my next day off.  

We finally got into marriage counseling and the counselor agreed my husband appeared to have all the symptoms of ADHD and maybe even some Aspergers (except for the fact that he is extreemly social not introverted).  The counsellor gave us the questionares to fill out for ADHD but my husband has not gotten organized enough to fax them to his best friend in another country so our counseling is being put off because of his symptoms he is having difficulty even getting the forms done.  Also, I bought the book on this website and it was helping us SOOO much!  We would read a bit each night before bed together and laugh because we could relate so much to what was written.  My husband even started reading the book on his own and was relating and finding relief that there was something to explain why he struggles with these things his whole life.  But now guess what bingo, the book has disappeared into the abyss of clutter in our apartment...I have searched and searched for the only thing that seemed to be helping us and giving us hope but alas, no book, its gone.  I feel like it's the devil trying to destroy us because that book was the last thing helping my sanity!  Ok, so that may be a bit dramatic, but its how I feel.  I feel like if we don't get into marriage counseling soon we may be splitting up before we even get our foot in the door, because Im just going crazy.  I work 10 hr days and cant sleep the night before because my husband doesnt know the definition of quiet.  The mess takes up all my days off, I really need a maid.  Bills are carelessly placed.  To top it off he said he doesn't like sex.  I mean after 3 months into marriage he stopped having sex with me.  He just does porno (to sleep easier) he says.  He said before me he never had a relationship over 3 months and basically he could "fake" enjoying sex that long but after that he just doesn't like it.  He said its kinda like wearing the same jeans every day, you get sick of it.  He refuses to even give me a message which is all I require really to be happy.  I mean all this work for me in this marriage and all I get is "cuddling" which he says is the way he shows his love.  I'm sure it is but u know, I just feel so lonely, we have nothing in common, it is so much work, and he has no physical attraction to me I realize now.  Lord help me know what to do.  Thanks everyone for listening!!!!