I am new here and I just need a place to let go for a moment. I need to know how much can you take of this. My husband is well meaning in many respects. He is a great father, but I am having difficulty dealing with the extraordinary amount of responsibility it takes to be married with someone who has ADHD. We don't really name it because he doesn't believe that things should be named less it has power over you. He is unmedicated because he doens't want to be dependant on any drug for the rest of his life. I am tired and frustrate because I can't trust him to deal with or take care of things that need to be taken care of. I have no back up. If I don't remember to do things, then they won't get done. There are things he does and he feels repsonsible for. But I carry so much weight around for the family that I am starting to just shut off. I have been with this man for nearly 20 years. I have tried to be understanding of his issues, I have tried to put up boundaries, i have tried to have my own life as well. Things are ok, but I am mentally just exhausted. I literally had to not do anything for the past few days but read a book and the minimal care needed to deal with my kids. On this, he gives me much space and help which is a blessing. I try to count my blessings, but I am just tired of caring for all the bills, the business that we had together that I had to take over because I couldn't trust his decisions, the schedule, planning for the future, the things around the house, the kids schedules and activities...MEanwhile, I'm trying to pursue my passions and go to work. I have never been the neatest person, but my office is literally a mess. I am overwhelmed and tired of being the responsible one. Though it's "small" I have the stroller outside and it rained for two days. I had to shut down for the past two days so the stroller has been rained on. It wouldn't be an issue, but it's not my stroller and the intention was to give it back. All the work that needed to be done is still here waiting for me like a ton of bricks. Just to cook dinner last night I had to do the dishes from last week and clean up in order to start cooking.
How do you soldier on?! I love my husband. He is a good man. He just is not a great provider or a partner. He want's to help, but I don't need help. I can hire help(if I had the money). I need a partner. I need some respite from all the burdens. I need to not be responsible ultimately for EVERYTHING. I get told that I have a matyr complex and that I feel he doesn't do anything. I preface everything I say with what he is actually doing so that he knows that I am aware. I just need more in places that he is not good at.
Thanks for listening. I'm trying. that's it.