Just Realized Husband Has ADHD - After 26 Years Of Marriage

I'm kind of in shock right now.  Not sure what to think or do.  My husband and I have always loved each other very much.  That has never changed.  However, there have been problems.  Most of which I have received the blame for.  And I'm not here to say that nothing is my fault.  I came into this marriage with some issues from the past, but my husband has conveniently pointed to them in order to justify his own behavior.

I knew had had issues; that everything could not be my fault despite his wanting to believe that.  I have been thinking he must be a hoarder - a behavior that has driven me crazy for many years.  He doesn't really fall into that, though, in some ways.  I think now that his keeping his things underfoot where he can see them and starting many projects and not finishing them, and some other things are the result of ADHD.  So many things make sense now.  I just never suspected that was the problem.  Not sure at the moment how I could have been so blind.  I have very poor self esteem, though, and he is an expert at deflecting blame off of himself.

The worst part of this whole thing is that he is not willing or able to take a look at himself, or accept responsibility for the part he plays in all of this.  I have spent many years working on myself, and he is more than happy to let me do that.  I have done all the worrying about everything.  I have been lonely and hurt so much over the years.  And, yes, I am angry.

Thank you for listening.