Just Starting Out

Dear Readers,

I have had a relationship with my best friend for three years. The first year was wonderful but I noticed a certain characteristic pattern that seemed unusual. Soon after, I learned he was "diagnosed" as he said with ADHD. At the time I took his attitude of being diagnosed with ADHD and was quick to try and take it lightly. He neither addmitted he had ADHD nor took the subject matter lightly when I nonchalantly brought it up in conversation. As time progressed I grew to love him for the characteristics, most of which were brought about by the ADHD. I have a very pressing schedule from school work (biochemistry major) to holding a job to volunteering to church that it is nice to have a boyfriend that keeps his emotions to himself and is not quick to get into a deep conversation. But as time has moved on it is clear that the relationship has grown much more serious and I find myself blaming myself for the lack of communication. I have not been able to understand or rationalize his sense of right and wrong. The worst is the verbal abuse, I know he does not mean to get that way and when it does get verbally abusive I try so hard to understand that that is what he is feeling on the inside. I end up blaming myself for starting a fight to get information from him about how he feels about situations or what he would like to do. The verbal abuse is most detrimental to me emotionally and without my other sources to relieve my frustration I would have broken completely as I have broken down many many times blaming myself for pushing him over the top. Not until recently did I even delve into the concept that maybe ADHD had farther reaching effects than being "hyperactive and not being able to sit still". I was in tears and almost relieved to find this community of people that understand and deal with what we both go through. I was praying that God would lead me to a passage dealing with verbal abuse. I have grown so much myself with this challenge but most of all I try so so hard to be objective and listen to what he is saying to me and thinking so hard and asking myself how I should respond. He is so quick to walk away from a conflict and not listen to me most of the time coming off sarcastic in responce to my sensitivly formulated requests. I just try and think so hard about how to handle what is being said in the way that is best for both of us. My deepest concern now is what to do from here. I have to ask myself if I'm so intent on making this work because I am scared no one else will be able to put up with him the way I can or is it worth the long term contract to put up with the struggles of an ADHD spouse. I am confused more than anything but feeling confident that if I stay objective and take care of my own emotions, then I will be able to help.