My partner was diagnosed with ADD and began medication a little over a year ago. Since then he has gone through some remarkable changes and shown a real dedication to growing with this deeper awareness of who he is and how it has impacted his life up to this point. Needless to say, our marriage has also improved with this new direction.
I have often turned to this forum as a reader (and related published material) for guidance and am finding myself at a loss with my current situation. Any thoughts or help would be much appreciated. While I may sound calm in writing; I am hurt and feel despair over the future of our marriage.
My partner shows affection to and will drop anything to spend time with our children. I have asked him many many times over the past few months to see if he can make some time in his busy schedule to spend some time with me, our marriage is struggling and any time would really help. I have also let him know I am feeling irrelevant and ignored.
It hurts that he makes so much of an effort to see and spend time with the kids, and yet, does not ask me about my day, spend time with me. For example; he will take them out for 'dates' and is disappointed when I ask to come because I miss spending time as a family. Or just go into another room to do something on his own as soon as they are asleep, not even saying goodnight or talking to me. The things that make him too busy to spend time with me are quickly dropped to spend time with the kids. Has anyone else struggled with this and their kids/spouse? I love that he loves the kids (even if sometimes it seems like a selfish love), but am at a loss as to why he can't invest some time in me. I have spoken with him so many times about this and just don't understand. It is turning into an unhealthy obsession of his and isn't making any sense to me. Any advice?
For the first time in a long time, this is feeling like 'old' behavior and I am experiencing that same old feeling of resentment and anger that just builds and builds.