Knowing I'm not alone, this is real

I did a search on ADHD and marriage and found this site.  Reading this I was brought to tears (Not too hard lately) I read about non-adhd spouses, they were pretty much saying exactly how I feel.  I can see exactly how he is in the explanation of how the ADHD spouse feels and thinks too.

I have been married 44 yrs to someone who has gotten progressively worse and worse.  He hasn’t gotten professionally diagnosed as of yet although he fits every single criteria to the “T”. 

 I’m sure there is some anger on my part but mostly I’m TIRED!  Tired of walking on glass, not knowing when the next words are going to blow up into an all-out attack.  There is no such thing as a disagreement with him, just an all-out war and do everything he can to hurt me!  (Then I’m supposed to forget it all as if it never happened!) Tired of taking care of the house, picking up, cleaning.  (Granted I could leave the food on the counter till he’s remembered hours later but with bug problems that isn’t the best option.)  Tired of me doing everything, paying whenever we go anywhere because he doesn’t want to lose his wallet so he doesn’t bring it, even though he's driving.  I do the bills, you name it. 

Our kids are grown and we now have grandkids whom we love with all out hearts and frankly they are the best medicine for him but I am not well (lung tumors)  and am not supposed to be stressed. HAHA. I’m tired of being told I’m a liar because of trying to impress an older guy (my husband) when I was 16.  I admit I did stretch the truth and maybe told a few fibs back then but crap I’m 61 and still hearing about this!!  I’m tired of all of it!!  There is so much more that I am not putting, I know that sound trivial.  There's just so much!   I want to try to make it work, he says he’ll really try and he knows it’s all his fault.  That only lasts about 3-4 weeks and blows up again.  I’ve moved into the spare bedroom a few times to try to escape to silence. 

The driving parts are so true!  He runs red lights because “no ones coming!”  Heaven forbid he has to wait for someone in traffic, he’ll go around.  Speed, pass oh yes.  After being in an accident with him (spending a week in hospital)  I now have to look at my phone or something because I am a nervous wreck when he’s driving!   I’m sorry, I know I’m rambling everything is just swirling around in my head.   It’s just nice to know that it’s not just me, this is all real and I'm not alone!

I was up all night reading the ADHD Effect on Marriage.  I’m trying, praying,  I hope he will.  I just know I can’t take much more.