No anger here just making an observation. I can get dolled up and get so many compliments from everyone, even other men, married and single, yet my husband says nothing. BUT, he can tell another woman that their hair looks nice or he loves their dress. It's so interesting to observe.
My husband is an artist. He started the hobby of pyrography and is excellent at it. Years ago, he took pictures of many of our female friends that are beautiful and made LARGE pieces of art work of them. I mean it took him months to finish them and they were creative not just a replica of the camera picture but he would have them in an African setting with elephants, or butterflies all around their head, or surrounded by stained glass, etc. Very intricate pieces of work. He even did a tasteful nude of one of our friends, her husband was in the portrait and then he did one of just the wife laying on a couch. So after a while I was upset since he never did one of me or even snapped a picture of me. I am not hard on the eyes I have been told by many. Well, he was displaying his art at an art show and one of our friends, the subject of one of the pieces, was there and it was one of the HUGE pieces of art. It was beautiful. He then gives me a small box, 8 1/2 x 11 and I open it. It's a replica of a picture of me, on our wedding day, in my gown. It was a head shot. I was so visibly disappointed. It was HIS fave pic of me, but so small and simple. There was no creativity and all he had to do was trace the picture onto wood. Nothing like his other creations. And he NEVER did anything else of me. Over the years, I have taken many pictures of myself since its now a selfie world and he has been so impressed with the shots that he says, WOW I HAVE TO BURN THAT, then never does. I feel like I am not any work of art to him. Yet he can see something or someone else and be inspired. Funny, our walls are littered with these works of art and people have asked where my portrait is. My piece is not even displayed.
Same thing with singing. I love to sing and many compliment me. Most say they didn't know I could sing since he overpowers me with his voice. He can sing but he is very forced and loud and has no real control of his voice. I am not professional but I can keep Karaoke night going. He found out I was going to Karaoke alone since the owner of the restaurant called me the Queen of Karaoke once and then he wanted to go also. He sang over people and me and I already knew that would happen which is why I started going alone. Many compliment him on his voice when in public and he sings over me.
Funny thing happened today. One of my best friends has a bipolar husband and he text me and sent me his latest you tube video (he plays guitar) and he mentioned that he would love to accompany me while I sing one day. I didn't acknowledge his YT video and said I would think about it. He proceeded to shower me with compliments on my singing. He gives his wife NO attention. I will have no part of that without letting my friend know first. It's a shame that spouses do this. They dote on other people and give nothing to their spouses.
I am older and wiser now and I know that the lack of attention and compliments is not about me. I get enough from other people and I also am very happy with my looks after 26 years of marriage seeing myself mature and take care of myself. Its just annoying to see that he CAN SEE other women and say "Wow, she is hot, she is beautiful, she looks great" but not say a word to me. Once in a while maybe but not enough to recall what he said the last time. I have been dolled up for weddings and drop dead gorg and he looks at me like I am a wall. Yet I tell him all the time that he looks handsome and something he has on looks nice even though most days he wears an action hero tshirt and jeans and dresses like a child.
Very interesting observations. After having an emotional affair in 2013, I realize that I was aching for attention after all those years of not being seen. That man showered me with compliments and also had low esteem. I guess I made him feel good. That is over now and I am much stronger and don't need my husband's validation or approval to know what I am, who I am, that I am a special human and have good relationship skills and people love me. I feel for people who need that attention and have low esteem because it does hurt. I am only happy that I have learned that it's not about me.
As a wife, it would be nice to "be seen" especially when my husband can "see" other women and compliment them and even get close to women, comfort them, give them advice, give them pet names, he has a habit of taking women under his wing especially if they have children, since he wants to be Superman to these type of people.
The best thing that has come out of this 26 yr experience with him has been that I have grown up and matured so much. He has stayed behind and is somewhere in the 12-16 yr old mentaility. Yesterday I thought to myself that I never thought I would be the one to hold down a job, but he can't hold a job. I never thought I would leave for work and kiss him goodbye and leave him a to do list and tell him not to stay in bed all day. Then I looked in the mirror and thought: I never thought I would be THIS woman, strong, holding down a great job even though I dropped out of high school, liked by all (my husband has relationship issues) and able to hold the fort down, a good wife, friend and logical one. A woman that can take care of herself if my husband died. I have come a long way. I am proud of who I have become because of all the adjustments I have had to make due to my H's ADHD and other issues. I have survived it, been through a lot of crap, temper tantrums, his job losses every year, wondering how we would make it, illogical behavior and decisions. I am here. God, my family and friends have been my stronghold.
Don't let the behavior of your significant other make you feel like it's all your fault and that you are insignificant. It takes a strong person to deal with all this mess. If you are reading this...your are special.