Lack of progress. Are we too much alike?

First a little background. Within the past few years, both my wife and I have been diagnosed as having ADD. I’ve been more active in seeking help with “fixing” some of related aspects of my life than she has with education, medication, and counseling. Lately I’ve felt like I’ve been bogged down on making any progress and have slipped back into some of my old habits like clutter, too many projects started at once (and not finishing them), dropping the ball or being forgetful on important things, and I’m back to a general “fly by the seat of my pants” approach to things. I really would like to change my life in regards to “clutter.” I really feel like if I could manage this that my level of mental clutter would at least partially fall into place. I’ve lovingly nicknamed my wife the squirrel of the house. While my “file-by-pile” approach and constant searching for things is bad enough, my wife shares this and to add to it seems to constantly and randomly move things and doesn’t have the foggiest idea where or even if she did. Sometimes its small things like a kitchen utensil and other times its very important things like a bill, something for my work, or one of the worst was an IRS notice I found on accident by the grace of God 2 days before the deadline to respond (and months after it came). All is well that ends well but……AHHHHH!!! Clutter being one of the most bothersome and time wasting issues to me has made me very frustrated with myself and my wife. “If I could only…….” haunts my thoughts. I have this image of how I’d like things to be but I/we can’t get there. It seems like any progress is so short lived and relatively so small to the big picture that frustration sets in almost immediately. I know my wife tries and has made some great steps, but its very frustrating for me being my own biggest critic to stay positive with her when I feel like she’s seemingly not nearly as interested in doing anything about it. Trust me I’m pretty much a whirlwind of chaos. I love my wife dearly. She’s my best friend and a very blessed soul- but when it comes to the more day to day aspects of our life together and trying to work on some systems or habits to improve our daily life I find myself with the attitude of with friends like this, who need enemies. So are we too much alike? How can I work on me when my wife fuels the problems? How can two people balance individual progresses and short comings when by whatever means they constantly undermine each other and feed off each other’s habits? I'm very interested in hearing what others have to say about this topic and any ideas for dealing with me and my issues, getting my wife to try and work it, and how circle of chaos can be minimized.