Lapses in memory


I joined this group a while back, but I’ve put it on the back burner because I’m just always hopeful that something will change with my husband and I won’t need to acknowledge how truly stressful life is with him. 

My husband and I have been together for 12 years. He was diagnosed with ADHD shortly before we started dating. I’ve always questioned if he has another learning disability or undiagnosed disorder in addition to ADHD, but then when I read the experiences of others, it seems his behavior is pretty dead on. 

The problem that I’m currently facing, and curious if anyone else has experienced, is what I refer to as “lapses is knowing,” where he seemingly forgets things that he has known for years. Most recently, the most noticeable instance has been forgetting the amount of food the dog is fed. It may seem silly (and he acts like I’m just nitpicking or like I’m wrong about it) but our dog has been eating special food for well over a year and all of a sudden my husband on 3 occasions in the last month or so has forgotten how much to feed him...and last night insisted to me that I was wrong and he’s been doing it that way all along. I know it may sound insignificant to be fighting over dog food, but it’s just a recent example of the many instances where he completely forgets something that he has previously known. Other arguments have been over things like him insisting we have central air (when we clearly don’t have any duct work) bc the thermostat has a cool option. I also notice his lack of understanding conversations that he is having, not only with me but his interpretation of conversations that he has had with other people can be way off. 

Im not sure if this is a normal adhd symptom as someone gets older (my husband is 45) but I’m getting very concerned with the frequency of his utter confusion. I told him i think he needs to see a neurologist but he has always had a knack for blaming me for all his problems or deflecting to things i do wrong or the tone I’m using to not have to actually address my concerns. 

I could use some feedback from other people who may understand bc i find that my friends who don’t have significant others with adhd think my complaints are the same as theirs, but it’s very very different.