I am so glad I found this forum. I literally googled how do I handle my ADHD husband not being able to get to work on time? This forum was in the search results. I just spent a little while reading some of the posts. Oh man is it a relief to know that there are others. I thought I was the only person on this earth crazy enough to put up with some of the things that go on.
One of the current problems is that he is late to work all the time. We can’t seem to beat it no matter what we try. His bosses constantly council him and ask what is going on ect. For a few days to a week that will work. I will jump on him and nag him like a mom getting their kid up for school but then the moment I lay off he falls back into the same pattern. He has time blindness which we work on constantly and is not so much of a big deal in our home life because I can remind him but there is only so much I can do when it comes to his job. In the past it has been so bad that his work has actually asked him if he has a drug or alcohol problem. He doesn’t, neither of us have ever drank or used drugs.
What is happening right now:
He has to get a physical for work by August 31st so that his insurance doesn’t go up by $100 next year. He has known about this since March. He had an appointment for two weeks ago for blood work which he got done and then the following Friday was supposed to be his physical. That morning I woke him up with an hour and a half to get ready to leave. He got up and got dressed (slowly) and sat around until he only had 15 minutes to get all the way across town. He of course didn’t call and tell them he was running late. By the time he got there they canceled his appointment and told him there were no more openings until September 9th. So instead of waiting to be worked in he left.
I was/am having my own problems that I struggle with (insomnia, anxiety, and depression) and that day was a particularly bad day. When he came home and told me about it we had a big fight. Then I finally went to sleep. He did too only he was needing to wake up in time to donate plasma so that we could buy our dogs some food. Since I didn’t set a clock he didn’t even think about it so he woke up right when the place was closing. I ended up cooking for the dogs that night so they could eat.
The next day Saturday he donated plasma and got $25 which he used $14 of to buy pizza on the way home. The dogs got cheap dog food with extras from the fridge added in. Saturday night we also went to work on our place that we are building(a whole other story). The insulation that we have been working on since the beginning of the year finally got finished. In the process he hurt his back.
So this past Monday when his upper back was still causing him pain he decided to stay off work and get an appointment with the doctor that we are switching over to soon. He wanted to be seen for his back and see if they could get his physical done before the end of the month. So he took off work fully knowing that he didn’t have the hours to cover a full day. The doctor gave him a muscle relaxer which of course made him sleepy.
Today Tuesday he didn’t wake up until close to when he should have been leaving the house for work. Still he leisurely got showered and dressed for work. He texted me earlier that his boss talked to him about it all and suggested that he should look into counseling through their system at work and maybe consider stress leave if things are that hard for him. I text him back and said no we just need to change your habits to get you to work on time. It is bad work ethic to take off because you are having time and attendance problems. I guess that made him mad because all I got for a reply was an O.K. and then he didn’t call me on his lunch hour which he normally does. So I decided to call him. He was annoyed and started griping and then accusing me of being mad at him for thinking about taking stress leave. I explained that I am not mad. I just think taking off isn’t the answer but I think we just need to do things differently and get more organized.
I have suggested in the past for him to use his phone to set reminders and alarms. He has tried that but he doesn’t seem to have a good time concept to set them by. He has a leave now alarm with he will completely ignore. I mean what do you do with that? Ideally when a leave now alarm goes off you should grab all your stuff and walk out the friggen door not turn it off and take another bite.
I know that he knows he isn’t doing things the right way because he is always verbalizing how he is screwing everything up. He has and understands the tools that he needs to use to fix the problem but he just doesn’t change the behavior himself. I can’t do it for him because it doesn’t stick. The minute I loosen the reigns he just goes off everywhere. I am very scared that he will lose his job and things will get worse again. He has had this job for 8+ years and is finally getting reports of doing solid work from his bosses. Quite literally his only problem in that area is his time and attendance.
So for now I have set five different cell phone alarms for in the morning all five minutes apart. That way if they are snoozed they will stack up and annoy him out of bed. I am going to try and have his lunch ready to go the night before as well as some breakfast with protein or some sort. Also I am going to ask him to shower and lay out his clothes before he gets into bed at night instead of in the morning. It sounds good, but who knows how it will actually happen. He usually doesn’t hear me because he is angry or having a pity party.
Doctors appointment this coming Friday with blood work results I am praying that they don’t tell him he is diabetic. I really don’t want that for him health wise and I selfishly don’t want the added stress of dealing with the diet changes. That sounds horrible but there is already so much to deal with.