It was a light bulb moment for me when my ex shared a link that it's possible he could have ADHD - his is more of ADD as there was no impulsiivity but there was acute selfishness, unreliability and inattentiveness. Zero investment in marriage or family. We had a parent -child dynamic in a decade and a half old marriage. The experience of the non-ADHD spouse shared in the article was 1000% my reality .
We have had so many conflicts, I was emotionally drained , exhausted and depleted. He was hyperfocused on several businesses which kept failing , I had to sole provide for the larger part of our marriage which I was happy to do them because I felt he needed to focus on his business. I also had to support him in these businesses as he always said I was very smart and he needs me but no reciprocity . I struggled on my own to meet my own needs and that of the children . He only wanted his emotional and sexual needs met.
He just wanted the benefits of fatherhood and marriage without the responsibilities. He would leave the home /walk out when things were not working , literally abandon us for months under the guise of wanting peace . His idea of peace was to be left alone and not be involved in household, child care or anything that required mental or physical effort. Never felt he should protect his family, he would tell the kids I am a strong woman so to him I could manage or fix any problems. He was intensely stingy and selfcentered - would not share anything with me except on very few occasions. He needed to be told or reminded to help with everything except things that benefit him.
He was a closet cheat and has been unfaithful in the most grotesque way. He seemed to have a good outward personality so it was hard for anyone to relate or for me to share my challenges
He recently cheated with a mutual friend of ours, filed for divorce and plans to marry her. It was a horrific ordeal but I am thankful that my pain and what I went through was validated by his diagnosis and that I was not unreasonable or expecting too much . I asked him if he would share his diagnosis with all those he has demonized me against but he ignored . He is one to cling to sympathy .