My husband and I have had problems all through our 10.5 years of marriage. There is no short list to list all but within the last year our son was diagnosed with ADHD and possibly bi-polar. Then my husband was diagnosed with ADHD but I also feel there is an undiagnosed bi-polar that is playing a part as well. My ADHD husband barely has a part time job so he keeps our son around school and he is better at finances then me so he does our finances. So in his eyes he feels as if he does everything and as he says he has to do everything for me as well bc I do nothing. He is extremely controlling to the point of following me around on a regular basis to see what I'm doing or what I haven't done and to point out the numerous flaws in all. He goes into tirades about how I'm always negative and everything I do is wrong and any words I may use to say the things he says to me are hurtful he negates them and turns my words around and uses them to say I am that way to him. I have been extremely verbally abused. We tried to go to counseling and I just think of the words the couselor said. Abuse is abuse. I feel I'm wrong if I stay bc I'm accepting the abuse but I feel I'm wrong if I leave bc I'm abandoning him and the family and my commitment I made to God and I love the man that I know he is but has not been really since our son was born but in ways before that. He's never really been in the marrige, he's always had 1 foot out the door. But counseling seemed to be going well even though the counselor was pretty hard on him. First day going into the session though was just a verbal barrage of all the things I do wrong. All little trivial things. Things were getting better till a trigger it seems happened over the holidays and then the whole weekend in front of family everything I said was met with extreme hatred. Extreme. Then he said he wanted a divorce bc I don't do anything and am nice and all but worthless. This lasted 3 days. Then he didn't apologize. He doesn't do that anymore. He just sent a text that maybe we could do some crazy meditation therapy. That was him telling me he didn't really want a divorce. These are always all things I think he feels about himself (never anything I say to him) but he turns it around on me. I feel abused in the home and embarrased in public bc he gets drunk and throws out insults to me in front of everyone. So now I feel alone in my home but not wanting to do anything in public either. I think this is a control thing for him as well. I think the holiday weekend he had a trigger and had a non diagnosed polar moment? So I feel I'm crazy to stay in a verbally abusive relationship but I have a son and I got married for life? He has been extremely nice again for the past week and then when he gets around his friends he insults me and in public he gets drunk and is quick to get angry at me when I talk to him..... Am I crazy for staying. Will he ever see the abuse?
Submitted by gert on 12/20/2013.